Friday, January 08, 2010

TROUNCE

‘another bad day miss mary,’ the teacher would say as she shut the car door behind me, ‘another bad day.’ mrs. hodges was a stern woman, never stern to any of the other kids it seemed, just to me. i don’t remember exactly what i did to her to make her not like me, but it just set in. the north carolina christian school blamed it on ADHD, but my mother didn’t want to give me pills. either way it strained my relationship with my teachers and those around me my entire academic career.


my relationship with school was more hate then love, i look back on very few moments of academia with pride or a positive memories of any sort. i was the kid who wore mostly black, not to be cool or even goth, just not to be noticed. i would attempt to keep a low profile, sticking to myself and literally keeping my held hung low while walking through the scores of school peers (hence ‘downcast eyes). in high school i would get my lunch from the cafeteria lady and eat my meal on the way to the library and sit there and read magazines until the bell ring. i was lower than an outcast, i was non-existent. i could go on with the stories but my life is not one about just looking back but seeing the present for what it is now and appreciating what got me here.


since then i have had the opportunity to discover music, and the benefits of such the life. i have gained a new found self confidence which files under the philosophical name ‘i just don’t care what you think’. it may sound rebellious or flippant but i honestly believe that more of us need to take on this approach to life.


we spend so much time (or at least i did) sitting in the shadows to make sure that we don’t trip and fall in front of others; and then we question why we never had the opportunity in life to run. we yell at God or our parents, or even ourselves for never making something of our self; but now if you look back did you ever give yourself a chance to even simply try?
for me i trudge forward, doing what i please, not in an egoistic way, not like godzilla in japan way; but in an adventurous way, like a boy trouncing in the snow in the woods.


TROUNCE.


i wanted to write a book, so i did. its not that it is perfect, honestly it doesn’t have to even be good. it just has to be something that you have always wanted to do, but been afraid. just this week i received a message on a social network that said my book more or less ‘failed’, but i didn’t do it for him, i did it because i am not scared anymore i don’t want to live in fear of failure. i am not out to win approval of people that i will never meet nor have any say in my life.


i wanted to write a solo record, i wanted to jump out of a plane, i wanted to travel around the world, i wanted to start a non-profit org, i want to start speaking more, i want to write another book, i want to run for office here in Nashville, i want to visit spain, i want to take on the world head on, look it in the face and smile with that ‘i am not scared of whatever you bring my way’ kind of smile. i want to trounce in the snow whether anyone likes it or not.


in case you live in tampa/st. pete and caught us live you may have heard me say something from stage during our set that you didn’t quite understand the meaning of. it usually comes at the pinnacle of the show when i have just sang my lungs out, the crowd is screaming every word, and the floor is alive with moving bodies. i look up at my mom who is usually in the balcony and say ‘another good day miss mary, another good day.’