Monday, April 30, 2007

a false amalgamation.

individuality is so very culturally important to us here in the west, and for good reasoning. individuality helps us define who we ourselves are without outside influence, it keeps us accountable to our core and keeps us connected to our own unique thoughts, fears, and pursuits.

when we start amalgamating into another person, i.e. when we enter into a committed, lifelong, or in depth relationship we are willingly surrendering a piece of our own being and taking on a part of theirs. recently I have seen in my life pieces of people I have known before. whether it is something I said or something as surface as something I wore, i see a reflection of those people. this is not necessarily a bad thing, and this is not necessarily from just a husband/wife, girlfriend/boyfriend relationship. this merger could be someone in your vicinity such as a family members or deep meaningful friendships.

the problem lies when and where we began to lose ourselves inside the other person, it is one thing to place the worries, concerns, and wellbeing of the other person in front your own needs (which I believe is one aspect of the word “love”) but it is a complete mistake for us to believe that if we don’t conform to meet every physical, mental, and social needs of the other person then the relationship is doomed to failure. if a person is allured by you in the first place they enjoy the company that they currently participate in, they are not looking to change you for their enjoyment in the future.

'man's love is of man's life a part; it is a woman's whole existence. In her first passion, a woman loves her lover, in all the others all she loves is love.' -lord byron

byron eludes to the fact that it is the woman's whole exsistence, but i believe that this can work both ways; as i have fell victim to making someone my entire exsistence to the point she began to take over the time that i knew i should have been giving my friends and family. soon i comprimised so much, including my pursuit of God as apriorities in life began to take second place. with an insecure foundation and comprimise as a staple and mantra of the relationship after one and a half years it crumbled into its inevitable pieces.

to be honest I see this incorporation much to often. i am simply asking that you do not lose the core, the foundation, and the beliefs of who you once were. relationships are amazing, you can learn so much from each and every human being you encounter, but be careful that you do not become that other human being. be who you are.

Monday, April 09, 2007


there once was a hindu holy man who saw a scorpion floundering around in the water. he decided to save it by stretching out his finger. but the scorpion stung him. the man still tried to get the scorpion out of the water, but the scorpion stung him again. a man nearby told him to stop saving the scorpion that kept stinging him. but the holy man said, "it is the nature of the scorpion to sting. it is my nature my love. why should i give up my nature to love just because it is the nature of the scorpion to sting?"

it should be our nature to love regardless of who we are, regardless of what has been done to us. its hard. i know. trust me. people are always going to sting you. they are going to rip into your character. they are going to be the ones in the platform telling you that your views are wrong. they are going to be in the pulpits pointing fingers in judgement. they are going to be the ones who hold your whole race responsible for the actions of one person's actions.

but that doesn't give you the right to despise; for hate for those who hate is still hate. in spite of those who may sting you remain in what you know to be your nature. love.