Showing posts from April, 2006

BREAKING HEARTS AND TAKING NAMES. a failure of character revealed. (repair) (dismantle)

i am going to regret putting this post up here. its pretty late at night and im feeling vulnerable and somewhat dillusional.
i will probably take this down tomorrow. but for some reason i feel compelled to admit my guilt. in some ways maybe this is some sort of bizarre and twisted therapy. i am guilty. i have, and will fail. but i need to get over my superman complex and become vulnerable so that others can learn from my error.

ive come to see what a bastard of a human i have been in my life. i think it all started around the age of 21, maybe earlier. it wasn't sex i sought out in women. ever. it was merely the attention. and not just the attention from humans it was from only females. sad really. actually not even sad, its pathetic. i desired to be desired ironically. and that's it. once i was accepted it was over on some level.

i bought a shirt 2 days ago. it said CHANGE. random that some wear their heart on their sleeve, but modern fashion allows me to wear it on my chest as…
"architecture is but frozen music". - Johann Wolfgang

children are blank slates

my brother and i were discussing the innocence of children and he wrote this. its simple but maybe one of the most profound statements of my year thus far. by the way... hayden is my beautiful goddaughter (& niece).

'Every generation is a completely blank slate.
It just occurred to me today that many things do not exist in Hayden's perceptual world.

She has no idea about death, drugs, sex, burns, hate, homosexuality, abortion, cells, atoms, global warming, cancer, insanity, depression, anxiety, betrayal, religion, a perceptual higher power, war... it's no wonder kids are so happy. Maybe Adam and Eve in that garden were just children.

But if they were children, wouldn't it be abundantly predictable that those kids are gonna get into them apples...'
-paul edward

my friend ben harben has revamped and i put up a new song that aaron marsh (copeland) and & did back in the winter break. the song is not mixed or matered but at least you can get some idea of where we are going.

oh, for the probable moment.

while reading this post, i think the most suitable song to listen to would be watashi wa's song ten years and separating...
let me be up front and honest. i have no idea what i am going to write about. i look back at the last couple weeks and try to wrap into words all that i have learned or experienced for some type of reading enjoyment. so instead of giving some psuedo-grandious story i will chop it up into my to-be-expected adhd rantings.
i applied my philosophy that i adopted from leonardo di vinci of being a universal man/women. 'it is better to know a little about alot, then alot about a little.' instead of being one sided when it comes to music i have been exploring the last couple years... but my latest discovery is the blues. my favorite song these last couple weeks has been 'i live the life i love, and love the life i love,' performed by buddy guy. jazz is the pop version of blues, blues comes right out of the abolishment of slavery. its heartfelt lyrics of…