Thursday, March 09, 2006

'I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.'
-mother teresa

i feel so distrustful at this moment from those i see as 'adults.' better yet those i view in a leadership role, or socially placed on pedestal. these last 1 1/2 weeks may have been the hardest week of my family/ my life.
unknown to me while i was on tour, my mother had been fighting a 104 degree phenomena attack and it was finally time that home remedies stop and an 'expert' opinion granted.
we should have stayed home.

talking to my mom on the phone the night she waadmitteded to the hospital i remember it being brief as she was coherent but very very weak. i remember a rushed 'love ya' as was atypical for family conversations, not always meaningful, but stated.
the next night my brother called right before i walked on stage in winston salem to tell me the state my mother was in.

avelox. a typical drug administered to pneumonia patients was given to my chemically sensitive mother. the first time the drug was administered within 3 hours she could not recall who the people in her room were, even though she was married to one of them for over 30 years and the others she bore. the second time the drug was administered she went into a psychotic episode where her fear filled dream world collided with reality within 30 minutes of administering intravenously the drug. her episode included us, the family, ripping off her legs and drawing the blood out of her arms and stabbing it into her eyes. needless to say we the family opted to take her off the drug. the doctors didn't agree. they believed my mom was mentally having a breakdown, as this drug AVELOX wouldn't/couldn't do this.
we the family sat by my mothers side 24 hours a day, some of the most terrifying moments of our lives as we never knew if we were going to really see our mother again. ever so slowly we saw her mentality raise from 3 year old to a 5 year old.

we began to research the drug and the reactions/side effects that they caused. thanks to paul's teacher who was not only a law professor but a Ph.D. in chemistry who did a google search, and in less than 2 minutes we found out that the FDA report exclaimed that if the person has low potassium that you are not supposed to administer the drug or the central nervous system will be severely adversely affected with the EXACT problems my mother was encountering.

what took a non-medical google search two minutes to find, an entire hospital could not figure out. her general physician refereed her to a psychiatrist that said it might be sleep deprivation, then he refereed her to a neurologist who couldn't find anything in TWO cat scans, then refereed her back to her general physician, who looked us straight in the eyes and said "she is fine". UNREAL!!!!!! this is blatent negligence. we told the doctor what was wrong with her, and yet he never conceded to the facts we presented.

by this time, 6 days into the "treatment" at the hospital, (heart of florida in central florida), had not given us any diagnosis.... to say the least we were irate. we then asked to be transferred and after haggling for over 48 hours we were released, and not even transferred.

we took my mother to the ormc in orlando and after the 8 hour emergency room wait we got in, showed our case, and within 3 hours were told we were correct on our diagnosis and she was released to home care.
my mother is slowly getting better after this massive shock to her nervous system. its a slow process but through it we have become a closer family, and i learned a great deal from this ordeal.

you see, those in leadership (whether in the public eye, or behind close doors) are simply human. we all make mistakes, not one of us is perfect. the problem is we put so much faith in doctors, lawyers, preists, rabbis, pastors, etc. that we don't realize that they are human and they make mistakes also. its hard to trust and know who to believe in these times, but without trusting people there are so many areas of your life that you cripple. walter anderson said, '“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy'.

all that to say. in my dissalusion i cannot stop trusting those people that are out to help me, those who love me, those who are doing the best possible job they know how. you are all going to have an opportunity to stop trusting in someone or something. you have to look at the bigger picture, are all men going to hurt you? do all women think that way? do you have to make the same choices your parents did? are all friends going to stab you in the back like they did?