'I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.'
-mother teresa

i feel so distrustful at this moment from those i see as 'adults.' better yet those i view in a leadership role, or socially placed on pedestal. these last 1 1/2 weeks may have been the hardest week of my family/ my life.
unknown to me while i was on tour, my mother had been fighting a 104 degree phenomena attack and it was finally time that home remedies stop and an 'expert' opinion granted.
we should have stayed home.

talking to my mom on the phone the night she waadmitteded to the hospital i remember it being brief as she was coherent but very very weak. i remember a rushed 'love ya' as was atypical for family conversations, not always meaningful, but stated.
the next night my brother called right before i walked on stage in winston salem to tell me the state my mother was in.

avelox. a typical drug administered to pneumonia patients was given to my chemically sensitive mother. the first time the drug was administered within 3 hours she could not recall who the people in her room were, even though she was married to one of them for over 30 years and the others she bore. the second time the drug was administered she went into a psychotic episode where her fear filled dream world collided with reality within 30 minutes of administering intravenously the drug. her episode included us, the family, ripping off her legs and drawing the blood out of her arms and stabbing it into her eyes. needless to say we the family opted to take her off the drug. the doctors didn't agree. they believed my mom was mentally having a breakdown, as this drug AVELOX wouldn't/couldn't do this.
we the family sat by my mothers side 24 hours a day, some of the most terrifying moments of our lives as we never knew if we were going to really see our mother again. ever so slowly we saw her mentality raise from 3 year old to a 5 year old.

we began to research the drug and the reactions/side effects that they caused. thanks to paul's teacher who was not only a law professor but a Ph.D. in chemistry who did a google search, and in less than 2 minutes we found out that the FDA report exclaimed that if the person has low potassium that you are not supposed to administer the drug or the central nervous system will be severely adversely affected with the EXACT problems my mother was encountering.

what took a non-medical google search two minutes to find, an entire hospital could not figure out. her general physician refereed her to a psychiatrist that said it might be sleep deprivation, then he refereed her to a neurologist who couldn't find anything in TWO cat scans, then refereed her back to her general physician, who looked us straight in the eyes and said "she is fine". UNREAL!!!!!! this is blatent negligence. we told the doctor what was wrong with her, and yet he never conceded to the facts we presented.

by this time, 6 days into the "treatment" at the hospital, (heart of florida in central florida), had not given us any diagnosis.... to say the least we were irate. we then asked to be transferred and after haggling for over 48 hours we were released, and not even transferred.

we took my mother to the ormc in orlando and after the 8 hour emergency room wait we got in, showed our case, and within 3 hours were told we were correct on our diagnosis and she was released to home care.
my mother is slowly getting better after this massive shock to her nervous system. its a slow process but through it we have become a closer family, and i learned a great deal from this ordeal.

you see, those in leadership (whether in the public eye, or behind close doors) are simply human. we all make mistakes, not one of us is perfect. the problem is we put so much faith in doctors, lawyers, preists, rabbis, pastors, etc. that we don't realize that they are human and they make mistakes also. its hard to trust and know who to believe in these times, but without trusting people there are so many areas of your life that you cripple. walter anderson said, '“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy'.

all that to say. in my dissalusion i cannot stop trusting those people that are out to help me, those who love me, those who are doing the best possible job they know how. you are all going to have an opportunity to stop trusting in someone or something. you have to look at the bigger picture, are all men going to hurt you? do all women think that way? do you have to make the same choices your parents did? are all friends going to stab you in the back like they did?


Anthony said…
Sorry to hear about your mom.
I'll stop being selfish - worrying about you making it out to LA this month and start praying for your family instead.
Nice Walter Anderson quote... I'm writing it down.
Anonymous said…
Without fail, I will be praying for your mother daily.
PJ said…
stephen i hope that everthing is well, ill be praying for you and your family...

"They were helped in fighting them, and God handed the Hagrites and all their allies over to them, because they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him."
1 Chronicles 5:20

let me know how you are doing.
Anonymous said…
Sorry to hear about your mom. My prayers with with you and your family.
Anonymous said…
One becomes wiser from forgiving and not forgetting... one becomes more grace-full from forgiving and forgetting.

Although, in this case, I would say you're more than justified in taking the 'wiser' route.

deb said…
i think health professionals in this day and ages should trust the judgement of the patient and the ones that they are closest to (and proabably know the best. in this day and age, a lot of them discredit the intelligence of people who aren't trained in their particular field, whether it be medicine, alternative therapy, etc. and i think that's wrong.

as a budding health professional (i'm studying to be a physiotherapist..or physical therapist as you americans call it), i'm glad i'm being trained in the art of listening and taking account of a patient's wishes and desires and weigh them against my own goals.

thanks for sharing. i am truly sorry for what happened to your mum. i hope she gets better soon. and i hope you get over your disillusionment. the idea of looking at the bigger picture is good. and don't lose your focus on God in your situation.
Liane said…
So sorry for what your mom and you and the family are going through. I went thru a similar situation when I was diagnosed with cancer...for the longest time no doctors were sure exactly what I had. It can be very frustrating putting you trust in someone else when its your life (or your family's). And often its emotionally harder on loved ones than the patient...I hope things get better now. We are thinking of you. Call us when you are home again...

~Liane & Jesse
dryan said…
i am so sorry to hear that such an awful thing happened to such a sweet person. i think that too many have entered the medical profession because of the allure of money. this is the same kind of thing i went through 3 years ago, 6 months of telling me i had a sinus infection while i was swearing i had meningitis (because my mom had too done a search online). i was told i was crazy. then i went crazy. then finally i found a doctor who told me i had been right. incompetance is running rampant in the medical profession. maybe there's more to the vast number of malpractice suits than just a sue-happy america. sad state of affairs for those who swore to, "first, do no harm."

i wish her (and your whole family) a speedy recovery.
Moe said…
Let us place hope in a future not our own.

My mother had a bad experience with doctors as well. After losing half her thyroid and doped up on hypothyroidism medication, she had finally able to rid herself of the symptoms she was having by simply taking iron supplements. Call me a Romantic, but I really think that everything happens for a reason. While the doctors should have listened to your family, at the same time they thought they knew everything. After all, they are the ones with "doctor" in front of their name. Wouldn't you feel the same about, say, musical equipment or something? It's hard to know everything, but would you have preferred no action as opposed to their action? You say your family is closer now then ever. That's a good thing. Would it have happened without such a uniting experience?
I'm happy your mother is doing better. May the road back to health be short one.
God Bless.
Meggios said…
"For this reason I kneel before the Father, from whom his whole family in heaven and on earth derives its name. I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you (and your family) with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.... NOW TO HIM WHO IS ABLE TO DO IMMEASURABLY MORE THAN ALL WE ASK OR IMAGINE, ACCORDING TO HIS POWER THAT IS AT WORK WITHIN US, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen." Eph 3:14-21
dreams&tears said…
thats really i can think right now.

i'll be praying for your mother and your family. its ironic though, that trust is the thing i've been struggling with the most.

God Bless,
Anonymous said…
Florida hospitals seem to not do so well... aside from the huge catastrophe we all knew about from the news a year ago or so, there was someone I knew who had to be transferred to another country because the Florida hospital wouldn't do anything to help. *sigh*... I definitely hope that your mom (and Florida hospitals) will get better soon. I'll be praying for you.
prayer will continue to spout from my lips for your mother ,your family, and your mother's doctor.

have a beautiful day.
sj. said…
Sorry to hear about your mom. Never lose heart. God's in control and He always gots a plan!
You and the fam are in our prayers. Much love.

sj & ejanez.

ps. yes, we do hope Florida hospitals get better!
mira said…
what you said in last paragraph of your post really made me think.

thank you very much.
hope all will be well (:
Casey said…
I hope your mom is going to be okay - she'll be in my prayers. And you're right, just because one person messes up doesn't mean that everyone else is going to do the same thing. The only way we can survive is to just try and trust each other.
wotsitgonnabe said…
praying for you and your mom...
Christopher said…
man, im so sorry to hear that your family had to go through that. i'm glad that you were able to stop it before she had to go through that any longer.
Christopher said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
kris said…
hello friend.
i emailed you back.
so check it.
then smile.
Tracy said…
Stephen, I am so very sorry to hear about your mom and the hassles you went through with the medical institutions. It is very unfortunate that they were unwilling to confess their errors. And you are right; everyone will let us down eventually, yet we cannot let one's mistake taint our views of all humankind. Thank you for your positive outlook on such a negative situation. You show that there is always something to be learned from every experience.
Jen said…
This type of thing always happens in Indonesia. And just as you mentioned in your entry, people here just accept it. Why? 'Because the doctor knows best.'

I was in a hospital visiting my grandmother once and in front of me - in the same room as my grandmother - a girl my age died. She had just signed herself into the hospital for headaches and as they wheeled her into the room, she... died. The nurses tried to resuscitate her but all was lost. The doctor walked in just as the nurses decided to give up to grace us with his presence. I was livid.

The father - who tried to stay calm throughout the whole episode - asked the doctor, "Is she there?"

The doctor shook his head, checked her pulse and said,"No. She's not there anymore."

The father collapsed at my feet and I tried to comfort him.

They never found out what caused their daughter's death.

Be thankful that at least you found out what the cause of it all was - even if you and your family were the ones that did the work in researching the drug. Some people stand at graves with unanswered questions.
shypoet83 said…
I am praying for you and your family. I keep a prayer list, so if you ever need anything, send an e-mail :)
Alan Busch said…
hey stephen,
i will definitely be praying for your whole situation. i hope things improve daily. its funny i decided to read your post today because i have been having similar issues with trust lately. let me know if you are coming through gainesville anytime. drop me a line at gabjr@ufl.edu.
alan busch
MH said…
I know the feeling. My grandfather died because they were so caught up worried about a hairline fracture that didn't exist they didn't monitor all his functions and he died of kidney failure.

I am so sorry about your mom. It's crazy how delicate everything is with health--I'm glad things are improving.
Stewart Cavalli said…
Well Stephen, you've done it again! I can so totally relate to your situation here. My sister has been struggling with "metal illness" for years now. She has been in and out of placement homes and care facilities from the age of 8. I haven't really had the opportunity grow up with her or know her entirely as my sister. Don't get me wrong though, I love her and she is near to my heart but it is sad. It has been a problem for quite some time though. I haven't gotten to see her in ages it seems and I barely was able to talk to her. MY issue is with "the system" so to speak. I am not much of a fan of "modern medicine" and not a fan of many psychiatrists now' days either. I had a recent conversation with my mom about "shrinks" and why nothing they are going to do will completely help her. I told her that they will only assume what her diagnosis is from man made theories about the human mind. It's also just the the mind that they focus on and I told my mom that they will never consider the spiritual side as well. I believe that plays an important part in the balance of the human psyche. I mean, how can you trust someone if they don't consider all the factors and what they know is only from an athiesic science?
Life is crazy like that though. There is much reason not to trust, but there is much reason to also trust. It's all a matter of putting it in the right place. I suppose God knows what's best there.
adrienne said…
I agree with Stewart, their has to be a holistic approach to medicine. The spiritual does play a role and so does the mental. Out mental state affects our nervous system, and if we are weak in those areas it leaves our bodies open to infection and disease. Keeping ourselves spiritually healthy is key.
Yes, doctors like to give us many different drug cocktails without investigating root causes. They treat the symptom rather than the cause. It makes me so angry that so many times things are treated only with drugs! As Weezer states 'we are all on drugs'.
Be glad that you don't live in Canada where their is a huge shortage of medical professionals, we may have free health care but our doctors are over loaded with patients.
So sorry that your mom and your family had to go through that. I recommend checking in with a homeopathic practioner that can prescribe supplements and diet that will heal and rebuild her immune system.
Chris Angus said…
Hey Stephen,
I really do hope your mom regains all her strength. Just wanted to give a shout out to you for doing the interview with me. You are definitely the most amazing rockstar and one of the coolest people I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. If you send me an email address, I'd be more than happy to send you a copy of the interview. Thanks again for everything!
Anonymous said…
hey man i'm really sorry about your mom... i met her at NBT 5... she was really awesome, i'm listening to you on idobi radio and its pretty awesome... well i <3 you and anberlin so best of luck with your family

dreams&tears said…
hey stephen, thanks for answering me (twice!) on the show tonight...

i didnt mean to sound rude when i asked you to update this. i just love reading it so much...

Actually Stephen I do totally agree with that whole blog. sorry
you had to go thru that. I do believe i went thru the same experience. cuz my potassium was way low. I was on life support and they were trying to say i was on drugs. that hospital pumped me with so much medicine that i was out of it. even had to be restrained. once they figured it out and started to focus on my heart then things changed. Then they were like whoaaaa he has cardiomyopathy.. but yea.. i do know what you mean.. cuz they drilled me a lot once i became alert; a week later with a certain doctor trying to see if i was on drugs. which im not. i barely drink if that. I kind of wanted to rip all the IV's out of my arms and leave but i could barely walk.took me like a week to get my body in order after being in there for a month.
That doctor finally gave up on the questions.. cuz i told him listen the hospital found out that I do not do drugs and plus well this hospital tested me. i came up with nothing in me once i reached that hospital.
and for the friend things
i really agree.. its all a puzzle.
friends stabbing in the back, Being put on the heart medicine "Coreg" thats helps my heart muscle pump better, and Blood pressure pills. here i am..
sj. said…
heeyyy.. update!!

how is your mum doing and the rest of the fam?

blessings friend.

Mark said…
Trust is such an intersting topic. Almost everything in our life is based on trust. Trust is one of the easy things to break too. I guess when trust is broken it's so easy to get offended. I'm reading an excellent {beyond belief} book by John Bevere called The Bait of Satan. Jesus had alot to say about trust and ultimately what comes from the lack of trust {Not that Jesus doesn't always have something to say that always brings some light into a situation}. It's so enlightening about being offended, trust of people, and many issues on those lines. Definately check it out if you can.

I thought I would comment because I enjoy your music, and I enjoy your writing. Writing that makes a person think twice is always a pleasure to read.

So yeah, hit me back up on my xanga if you have time. God bless. www.xanga.com/we_are_one_tonight
Mitchell said…
I am praying for you're entire family. I wish there was more I could do, but for now prayer alone will suffice
Anonymous said…
I think that is one of the most horrible, punishing things that can happen to someone who truly did nothing to deserve being affected in that way... it really sucks that even when you are just living your life, bad things can happen to you. The world in which we live. Fallen. Depraved. We are steeped in a world with destruction all around us and yet the redemption of God that brings light and preservation in this otherwise dark and lonely world....
This world was meant to be good and is good...but it is eye opening to see the destructiveness of sin.

For example, your mom is living her life and she gets sick. Next thing you know she is at a hospital with a doctor who is unteachable (or some might call it pride)and is not willing to listen to anything that anyone has to say.

Next thing you know, not only one person (your mom!) but the entire family is being affected by this...
b/c no man is an island and everything we do affects not only us but the world around us.

It is not just us that our decisions affect. It is the same with the decisions we make each day. Little things may not seem to be that big....but some would say that pride or stubbornness is a little thing and look at how it affected everyone in this situation.

Little things make a big impact. I am glad for your mom that you guys were able to make a difference as well--with truth.

Truth always liberates. Sin always destroys. Truth has no reason to hide anything and no reason to be afraid to learn more. Sin is deceptive, making us think it isn't really that bad and leads us to destruction...and while it is at it...will affect everyone else who happens to be around or in the way.

Whether good or bad--
Watch out for the little things. They can make a world of difference.
sbv said…
I'm sorry to hear about what your mom went through (although it's a couple of years ago now, and hopefully she's been ok since). This sort of stuff scares me like crazy. I actually have little faith in doctors. I haven't been to a doctor in something like 15 years. If I feel ill I'd rather just suffer. Thankfully I've never been REALLY ill - as I guess then I'd have to go. I guess me being vegan and into animal rights and reading up on animal testing has put my distrust in a lot of medicine. My dad has had small problems - like stomach ulcers and things like that - and often went to the doctor to get medication. At least 3 times the medication didn't work. One time he took a new medication and he fainted and had to go to hospital. Thankfully he recovered later in the day. I would tell him 'it's because it's tested on animals.' So many drugs give bad side effects and so many people die from drugs - despite them being deemed ok because they were tested on animals. Animals are so different to humans that it's no wonder they don't work. I also do think you can find out so much information online. You don't need to go to a doctor for a diagnosis when you can look up symptoms online and read about it there. Obviously if the person is really ill you do have to put faith in doctors. Thankfully sometimes it works, and lives are saved. But when I hear of medication that doesn't work or causes bad side effects it frustrates me because they abused pure animals in the name of science - and they STILL don't work. I think I'm waffling on... sorry... it's just one of my pet peeves.

Talking of 'pet's, when I had a dog, he had epilepsy and the vet gave him medication. He still had seizures so the vet upped the dose. He was having medication twice a day. Then when he had another seizure the vet wanted to up the dose again. It was actually my own intelligence that stopped my dog's seizures because I worked out that the medication wasn't lasting 12 hours so no matter how high a dose he was given twice a day, it would always wear off before it was time for the next dose. I told the vet he ought to have the medication 3 times a day so then the medication each time would still be working by the time the next dose was due. Guess what... The seizures stopped. Funny how I could work out how to stop them and cure my dog but the vet couldn't...

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