'I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much.'
-mother teresa
i feel so distrustful at this moment from those i see as 'adults.' better yet those i view in a leadership role, or socially placed on pedestal. these last 1 1/2 weeks may have been the hardest week of my family/ my life.
unknown to me while i was on tour, my mother had been fighting a 104 degree phenomena attack and it was finally time that home remedies stop and an 'expert' opinion granted.
we should have stayed home.
talking to my mom on the phone the night she waadmitteded to the hospital i remember it being brief as she was coherent but very very weak. i remember a rushed 'love ya' as was atypical for family conversations, not always meaningful, but stated.
the next night my brother called right before i walked on stage in winston salem to tell me the state my mother was in.
avelox. a typical drug administered to pneumonia patients was given to my chemically sensitive mother. the first time the drug was administered within 3 hours she could not recall who the people in her room were, even though she was married to one of them for over 30 years and the others she bore. the second time the drug was administered she went into a psychotic episode where her fear filled dream world collided with reality within 30 minutes of administering intravenously the drug. her episode included us, the family, ripping off her legs and drawing the blood out of her arms and stabbing it into her eyes. needless to say we the family opted to take her off the drug. the doctors didn't agree. they believed my mom was mentally having a breakdown, as this drug AVELOX wouldn't/couldn't do this.
we the family sat by my mothers side 24 hours a day, some of the most terrifying moments of our lives as we never knew if we were going to really see our mother again. ever so slowly we saw her mentality raise from 3 year old to a 5 year old.
we began to research the drug and the reactions/side effects that they caused. thanks to paul's teacher who was not only a law professor but a Ph.D. in chemistry who did a google search, and in less than 2 minutes we found out that the FDA report exclaimed that if the person has low potassium that you are not supposed to administer the drug or the central nervous system will be severely adversely affected with the EXACT problems my mother was encountering.
what took a non-medical google search two minutes to find, an entire hospital could not figure out. her general physician refereed her to a psychiatrist that said it might be sleep deprivation, then he refereed her to a neurologist who couldn't find anything in TWO cat scans, then refereed her back to her general physician, who looked us straight in the eyes and said "she is fine". UNREAL!!!!!! this is blatent negligence. we told the doctor what was wrong with her, and yet he never conceded to the facts we presented.
by this time, 6 days into the "treatment" at the hospital, (heart of florida in central florida), had not given us any diagnosis.... to say the least we were irate. we then asked to be transferred and after haggling for over 48 hours we were released, and not even transferred.
we took my mother to the ormc in orlando and after the 8 hour emergency room wait we got in, showed our case, and within 3 hours were told we were correct on our diagnosis and she was released to home care.
my mother is slowly getting better after this massive shock to her nervous system. its a slow process but through it we have become a closer family, and i learned a great deal from this ordeal.
you see, those in leadership (whether in the public eye, or behind close doors) are simply human. we all make mistakes, not one of us is perfect. the problem is we put so much faith in doctors, lawyers, preists, rabbis, pastors, etc. that we don't realize that they are human and they make mistakes also. its hard to trust and know who to believe in these times, but without trusting people there are so many areas of your life that you cripple. walter anderson said, '“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy'.
all that to say. in my dissalusion i cannot stop trusting those people that are out to help me, those who love me, those who are doing the best possible job they know how. you are all going to have an opportunity to stop trusting in someone or something. you have to look at the bigger picture, are all men going to hurt you? do all women think that way? do you have to make the same choices your parents did? are all friends going to stab you in the back like they did?
-mother teresa
i feel so distrustful at this moment from those i see as 'adults.' better yet those i view in a leadership role, or socially placed on pedestal. these last 1 1/2 weeks may have been the hardest week of my family/ my life.
unknown to me while i was on tour, my mother had been fighting a 104 degree phenomena attack and it was finally time that home remedies stop and an 'expert' opinion granted.
we should have stayed home.
talking to my mom on the phone the night she waadmitteded to the hospital i remember it being brief as she was coherent but very very weak. i remember a rushed 'love ya' as was atypical for family conversations, not always meaningful, but stated.
the next night my brother called right before i walked on stage in winston salem to tell me the state my mother was in.
avelox. a typical drug administered to pneumonia patients was given to my chemically sensitive mother. the first time the drug was administered within 3 hours she could not recall who the people in her room were, even though she was married to one of them for over 30 years and the others she bore. the second time the drug was administered she went into a psychotic episode where her fear filled dream world collided with reality within 30 minutes of administering intravenously the drug. her episode included us, the family, ripping off her legs and drawing the blood out of her arms and stabbing it into her eyes. needless to say we the family opted to take her off the drug. the doctors didn't agree. they believed my mom was mentally having a breakdown, as this drug AVELOX wouldn't/couldn't do this.
we the family sat by my mothers side 24 hours a day, some of the most terrifying moments of our lives as we never knew if we were going to really see our mother again. ever so slowly we saw her mentality raise from 3 year old to a 5 year old.
we began to research the drug and the reactions/side effects that they caused. thanks to paul's teacher who was not only a law professor but a Ph.D. in chemistry who did a google search, and in less than 2 minutes we found out that the FDA report exclaimed that if the person has low potassium that you are not supposed to administer the drug or the central nervous system will be severely adversely affected with the EXACT problems my mother was encountering.
what took a non-medical google search two minutes to find, an entire hospital could not figure out. her general physician refereed her to a psychiatrist that said it might be sleep deprivation, then he refereed her to a neurologist who couldn't find anything in TWO cat scans, then refereed her back to her general physician, who looked us straight in the eyes and said "she is fine". UNREAL!!!!!! this is blatent negligence. we told the doctor what was wrong with her, and yet he never conceded to the facts we presented.
by this time, 6 days into the "treatment" at the hospital, (heart of florida in central florida), had not given us any diagnosis.... to say the least we were irate. we then asked to be transferred and after haggling for over 48 hours we were released, and not even transferred.
we took my mother to the ormc in orlando and after the 8 hour emergency room wait we got in, showed our case, and within 3 hours were told we were correct on our diagnosis and she was released to home care.
my mother is slowly getting better after this massive shock to her nervous system. its a slow process but through it we have become a closer family, and i learned a great deal from this ordeal.
you see, those in leadership (whether in the public eye, or behind close doors) are simply human. we all make mistakes, not one of us is perfect. the problem is we put so much faith in doctors, lawyers, preists, rabbis, pastors, etc. that we don't realize that they are human and they make mistakes also. its hard to trust and know who to believe in these times, but without trusting people there are so many areas of your life that you cripple. walter anderson said, '“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy'.
all that to say. in my dissalusion i cannot stop trusting those people that are out to help me, those who love me, those who are doing the best possible job they know how. you are all going to have an opportunity to stop trusting in someone or something. you have to look at the bigger picture, are all men going to hurt you? do all women think that way? do you have to make the same choices your parents did? are all friends going to stab you in the back like they did?
Comments
I'll stop being selfish - worrying about you making it out to LA this month and start praying for your family instead.
Nice Walter Anderson quote... I'm writing it down.
"They were helped in fighting them, and God handed the Hagrites and all their allies over to them, because they cried out to him during the battle. He answered their prayers, because they trusted in him."
1 Chronicles 5:20
let me know how you are doing.
Although, in this case, I would say you're more than justified in taking the 'wiser' route.
-isaac
as a budding health professional (i'm studying to be a physiotherapist..or physical therapist as you americans call it), i'm glad i'm being trained in the art of listening and taking account of a patient's wishes and desires and weigh them against my own goals.
thanks for sharing. i am truly sorry for what happened to your mum. i hope she gets better soon. and i hope you get over your disillusionment. the idea of looking at the bigger picture is good. and don't lose your focus on God in your situation.
So sorry for what your mom and you and the family are going through. I went thru a similar situation when I was diagnosed with cancer...for the longest time no doctors were sure exactly what I had. It can be very frustrating putting you trust in someone else when its your life (or your family's). And often its emotionally harder on loved ones than the patient...I hope things get better now. We are thinking of you. Call us when you are home again...
~Liane & Jesse
thats really i can think right now.
i'll be praying for your mother and your family. its ironic though, that trust is the thing i've been struggling with the most.
God Bless,
Katie
have a beautiful day.
Sorry to hear about your mom. Never lose heart. God's in control and He always gots a plan!
You and the fam are in our prayers. Much love.
sj & ejanez.
ps. yes, we do hope Florida hospitals get better!
thank you very much.
hope all will be well (:
i emailed you back.
so check it.
then smile.
I was in a hospital visiting my grandmother once and in front of me - in the same room as my grandmother - a girl my age died. She had just signed herself into the hospital for headaches and as they wheeled her into the room, she... died. The nurses tried to resuscitate her but all was lost. The doctor walked in just as the nurses decided to give up to grace us with his presence. I was livid.
The father - who tried to stay calm throughout the whole episode - asked the doctor, "Is she there?"
The doctor shook his head, checked her pulse and said,"No. She's not there anymore."
The father collapsed at my feet and I tried to comfort him.
They never found out what caused their daughter's death.
Be thankful that at least you found out what the cause of it all was - even if you and your family were the ones that did the work in researching the drug. Some people stand at graves with unanswered questions.
i will definitely be praying for your whole situation. i hope things improve daily. its funny i decided to read your post today because i have been having similar issues with trust lately. let me know if you are coming through gainesville anytime. drop me a line at gabjr@ufl.edu.
alan busch
I am so sorry about your mom. It's crazy how delicate everything is with health--I'm glad things are improving.
Yes, doctors like to give us many different drug cocktails without investigating root causes. They treat the symptom rather than the cause. It makes me so angry that so many times things are treated only with drugs! As Weezer states 'we are all on drugs'.
Be glad that you don't live in Canada where their is a huge shortage of medical professionals, we may have free health care but our doctors are over loaded with patients.
So sorry that your mom and your family had to go through that. I recommend checking in with a homeopathic practioner that can prescribe supplements and diet that will heal and rebuild her immune system.
-john
i didnt mean to sound rude when i asked you to update this. i just love reading it so much...
Katie
how is your mum doing and the rest of the fam?
blessings friend.
sj
I thought I would comment because I enjoy your music, and I enjoy your writing. Writing that makes a person think twice is always a pleasure to read.
So yeah, hit me back up on my xanga if you have time. God bless. www.xanga.com/we_are_one_tonight
This world was meant to be good and is good...but it is eye opening to see the destructiveness of sin.
For example, your mom is living her life and she gets sick. Next thing you know she is at a hospital with a doctor who is unteachable (or some might call it pride)and is not willing to listen to anything that anyone has to say.
Next thing you know, not only one person (your mom!) but the entire family is being affected by this...
b/c no man is an island and everything we do affects not only us but the world around us.
It is not just us that our decisions affect. It is the same with the decisions we make each day. Little things may not seem to be that big....but some would say that pride or stubbornness is a little thing and look at how it affected everyone in this situation.
Little things make a big impact. I am glad for your mom that you guys were able to make a difference as well--with truth.
Truth always liberates. Sin always destroys. Truth has no reason to hide anything and no reason to be afraid to learn more. Sin is deceptive, making us think it isn't really that bad and leads us to destruction...and while it is at it...will affect everyone else who happens to be around or in the way.
Whether good or bad--
Watch out for the little things. They can make a world of difference.
Talking of 'pet's, when I had a dog, he had epilepsy and the vet gave him medication. He still had seizures so the vet upped the dose. He was having medication twice a day. Then when he had another seizure the vet wanted to up the dose again. It was actually my own intelligence that stopped my dog's seizures because I worked out that the medication wasn't lasting 12 hours so no matter how high a dose he was given twice a day, it would always wear off before it was time for the next dose. I told the vet he ought to have the medication 3 times a day so then the medication each time would still be working by the time the next dose was due. Guess what... The seizures stopped. Funny how I could work out how to stop them and cure my dog but the vet couldn't...