Sunday, March 25, 2007

selling out? a commentary by dave eggers.

below is a an excerpt from an interview with the author dave eggers (a heartbreaking work of staggering genius), it is profound and i have not been so this inspired by a piece of communication since bono's naacp acceptance speech (http://youtube.com/watch?v=ENp7c6TtBHk).  

the question was posed (in summation) to mr. eggers 'so many people are saying you aren't keeping it real and are beginning to sell out how are you taking steps not to sell out? ' 

dave address's "selling out' and then goes on to explain "Do not be critics, you people, I beg you. I was a critic and I wish I could take it all back because it came from a smelly and ignorant place in me, and spoke with a voice that was all rage and envy. Do not dismiss a book until you have written one, and do not dismiss a movie until you have made one, and do not dismiss a person until you have met them. It is a f-load of work to be open-minded and generous and understanding and forgiving and accepting, but (man!), that is what matters. What matters is saying yes."

here is mr. eggers answer in its entirety, WARNING! THIS IS HIS WORDS EXACTLY, please be aware that there is course/'foul' language but for this simple fact that it is his art and his writing i did not want to change anything for the integrity of the piece.

"(summation) 'so many people are saying you aren't keeping it real and are beginning to sell out how are you taking steps not to sell out? ' 

First, a primer: When I got your questions, I was provoked. You expressed many of the feelings I used to have, when I was in high school and college, about some of the people I admired at the time, people who at some point disappointed me in some way, or made moves I could not understand. So I took a few passages from your questions - those pertaining to or hinting at "selling out" - and I used them as a launching pad for a rant I've wanted to write for a while now, and more so than ever since my own book has become successful. And the rant was timely, because shortly after getting your questions, I was scheduled to speak at Yale, and so, assuming that their minds might be in a similar spot as yours, I read this, the below, to them, in slightly less polished form. The rant is directed to myself, age 20, as much as it is to you, so remember that if you ever want to take much offense.

----

You actually asked me the question: "Are you taking any steps to keep shit real?" I want you always to look back on this time as being a time when those words came out of your mouth.

Now, there was a time when such a question - albeit probably without the colloquial spin - would have originated from my own brain. Since I was thirteen, sitting in my orange-carpeted bedroom in ostensibly cutting-edge Lake Forest, Illinois, subscribing to the Village Voice and reading the earliest issues of Spin, I thought I had my ear to the railroad tracks of avant garde America. (Laurie Anderson, for example, had grown up only miles away!) I was always monitoring, with the most sensitive and well-calibrated apparatus, the degree of selloutitude exemplified by any given artist - musical, visual, theatrical, whatever. I was vigilant and merciless and knew it was my job to be so.

I bought R.E.M.'s first EP, Chronic Town, when it came out and thought I had found God. I loved Murmur, Reckoning, but then watched, with greater and greater dismay, as this obscure little band's audience grew, grew beyond obsessed people like myself, grew to encompass casual fans, people who had heard a song on the radio and picked up Green and listened for the hits. Old people liked them, and stupid people, and my moron neighbor who had sex with truck drivers. I wanted these phony R.E.M.-lovers dead.

But it was the band's fault, too. They played on Letterman. They switched record labels. Even their album covers seemed progressively more commercial. And when everyone I knew began liking them, I stopped. Had they changed, had their commitment to making art with integrity changed? I didn't care, because for me, any sort of popularity had an inverse relationship with what you term the keeping 'real' of 'shit.' When the Smiths became slightly popular they were sellouts. Bob Dylan appeared on MTV and of course was a sellout. Recently, just at dinner tonight, after a huge, sold-out reading by David Sedaris and Sarah Vowell (both sellouts), I was sitting next to an acquaintance, a very smart acquaintance married to the singer-songwriter of a very well-known band. I mentioned that I had seen the Flaming Lips the night before. She rolled her eyes. "Oh I really liked them on 90210," she sneered, assuming that this would put me and the band in our respective places.

However.

Was she aware that The Flaming Lips had composed an album requiring the simultaneous playing of four separate discs, on four separate CD players? Was she aware that the band had once, for a show at Lincoln Center, handed out to audience members something like 100 portable tape players, with 100 different tapes, and had them all played at the same time, creating a symphonic sort of effect, one which completely devastated everyone in attendance? I went on and on to her about the band's accomplishments, their experiments. Was she convinced that they were more than their one appearance with Jason Priestly? She was.

Now, at that concert the night before, Wayne Coyne, the lead singer, had himself addressed this issue, and to great effect. After playing much of their new album, the band paused and he spoke to the audience. I will paraphrase what he said:

"Hi. Well, some people get all bitter when some song of theirs gets popular, and they refuse to play it. But we're not like that. We're happy that people like this song. So here it goes."

Then they played the song. (You know the song.) "She Don't Use Jelly" is the song, and it is a silly song, and it was their most popular song. But to highlight their enthusiasm for playing the song, the band released, from the stage and from the balconies, about 200 balloons. (Some of the balloons, it should be noted, were released by two grown men in bunny suits.) Then while playing the song, Wayne sang with a puppet on his hand, who also sang into the microphone. It was fun. It was good.

But was it a sellout? Probably. By some standards, yes. Can a good band play their hit song? Should we hate them for this? Probably, probably. First 90210, now they go playing the song every stupid night. Everyone knows that 90210 is not cutting edge, and that a cutting edge alternarock band should not appear on such a show. That rule is clearly stated in the obligatory engrained computer-chip sellout manual that we were all given when we hit adolescence.

But this sellout manual serves only the lazy and small. Those who bestow sellouthood upon their former heroes are driven to do so by, first and foremost, the unshakable need to reduce. The average one of us - a taker-in of various and constant media, is absolutely overwhelmed - as he or she should be - with the sheer volume of artistic output in every conceivable medium given to the world every day - it is simply too much to begin to process or comprehend - and so we are forced to try to sort, to reduce. We designate, we label, we diminish, we create hierarchies and categories.

Through largely received wisdom, we rule out Tom Waits's new album because it's the same old same old, and we save $15. U2 has lost it, Radiohead is too popular. Country music is bad, Puff Daddy is bad, the last Wallace book was bad because that one reviewer said so. We decide that TV is bad unless it's the Sopranos. We liked Rick Moody and Jonathan Lethem and Jeffrey Eugenides until they allowed their books to become movies. And on and on. The point is that we do this and to a certain extent we must do this. We must create categories, and to an extent, hierarchies.

But you know what is easiest of all? When we dismiss.

Oh how gloriously comforting, to be able to write someone off. Thus, in the overcrowded pantheon of alternarock bands, at a certain juncture, it became necessary for a certain brand of person to write off The Flaming Lips, despite the fact that everyone knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that their music was superb and groundbreaking and real. We could write them off because they shared a few minutes with Jason Priestley and that terrifying Tori Spelling person. Or we could write them off because too many magazines have talked about them. Or because it looked like the bassist was wearing too much gel in his hair.

One less thing to think about. Now, how to kill off the rest of our heroes, to better make room for new ones?

We liked Guided by Voices until they let Ric Ocasek produce their latest album, and everyone knows Ocasek is a sellout, having written those mushy Cars songs in the late 80s, and then - gasp! - produced Weezer's album, and of course Weezer's no good, because that Sweater song was on the radio, right, and dorky teenage girls were singing it and we cannot have that and so Weezer is bad and Ocasek is bad and Guided by Voices are bad, even if Spike Jonze did direct that one Weezer video, and we like Spike Jonze, don't we?

Oh. No. We don't. We don't like him anymore because he's married to Sofia Coppola, and she is not cool. Not cool. So bad in Godfather 3, such nepotism. So let's check off Spike Jonze - leaving room in our brains for… who??

It's exhausting.

The only thing worse than this sort of activity is when people, students and teachers alike, run around college campuses calling each other racists and anti-Semites. It's born of boredom, lassitude. Too cowardly to address problems of substance where such problems actually are, we claw at those close to us. We point to our neighbor, in the khakis and sweater, and cry foul. It's ridiculous. We find enemies among our peers because we know them better, and their proximity and familiarity means we don't have to get off the couch to dismantle them.

And now, I am also a sellout. Here are my sins, many of which you may know about already:

First, I was a sellout because Might magazine took ads.
Then I was a sellout because our pages were color, and not stapled together at the Kinko's.
Then I was a sellout because I went to work for Esquire.
Now I'm a sellout because my book has sold many copies.
And because I have done many interviews.
And because I have let people take my picture.
And because my goddamn picture has been in just about every fucking magazine and newspaper printed in America.

And now, as far as McSweeney's is concerned, The Advocate interviewer wants to know if we're losing also our edge, if the magazine is selling out, hitting the mainstream, if we're still committed to publishing unknowns, and pieces killed by other magazines.

And the fact is, I don't give a fuck. When we did the last issue, this was my thought process: I saw a box. So I decided we'd do a box. We were given stories by some of our favorite writers - George Saunders, Rick Moody (who is uncool, uncool!), Haruki Murakami, Lydia Davis, others - and so we published them. Did I wonder if people would think we were selling out, that we were not fulfilling the mission they had assumed we had committed ourselves to?

No. I did not. Nor will I ever. We just don't care. We care about doing what we want to do creatively. We want to be interested in it. We want it to challenge us. We want it to be difficult. We want to reinvent the stupid thing every time. Would I ever think, before I did something, of how those with sellout monitors would respond to this or that move? I would not. The second I sense a thought like that trickling into my brain, I will put my head under the tires of a bus.

You want to know how big a sellout I am?

A few months ago I wrote an article for Time magazine and was paid $12,000 for it I am about to write something, 1,000 words, 3 pages or so, for something called Forbes ASAP, and for that I will be paid $6,000 For two years, until five months ago, I was on the payroll of ESPN magazine, as a consultant and sometime contributor. I was paid handsomely for doing very little. Same with my stint at Esquire. One year I spent there, with little to no duties. I wore khakis every day. Another Might editor and I, for almost a year, contributed to Details magazine, under pseudonyms, and were paid $2000 each for what never amounted to more than 10 minutes work - honestly never more than that. People from Hollywood want to make my book into a movie, and I am probably going to let them do so, and they will likely pay me a great deal of money for the privilege.

Do I care about this money? I do. Will I keep this money? Very little of it. Within the year I will have given away almost a million dollars to about 100 charities and individuals, benefiting everything from hospice care to an artist who makes sculptures from Burger King bags. And the rest will be going into publishing books through McSweeney's. Would I have been able to publish McSweeney's if I had not worked at Esquire? Probably not. Where is the $6000 from Forbes going? To a guy named Joe Polevy, who wants to write a book about the effects of radiator noise on children in New England.

Now, what if I were keeping all the money? What if I were buying property in St. Kitt's or blew it all on live-in prostitutes? What if, for example, I was, a few nights ago, sitting at a table in SoHo with a bunch of Hollywood slash celebrity acquaintances, one of whom I went to high school with, and one of whom was Puff Daddy? Would that make me a sellout? Would that mean I was a force of evil?

What if a few nights before that I was at the home of Julian Schnabel, at a party featuring Al Pacino and Robert DeNiro, and at which Schnabel said we should get together to talk about him possibly directing my movie? And what if I said sure, let's?

Would all that make me a sellout? Would I be uncool? Would it have been more cool to not go to this party, or to not have written that book, or done that interview, or to have refused millions from Hollywood?

The thing is, I really like saying yes. I like new things, projects, plans, getting people together and doing something, trying something, even when it's corny or stupid. I am not good at saying no. And I do not get along with people who say no. When you die, and it really could be this afternoon, under the same bus wheels I'll stick my head if need be, you will not be happy about having said no. You will be kicking your ass about all the no's you've said. No to that opportunity, or no to that trip to Nova Scotia or no to that night out, or no to that project or no to that person who wants to be naked with you but you worry about what your friends will say.

No is for wimps. No is for pussies. No is to live small and embittered, cherishing the opportunities you missed because they might have sent the wrong message.

There is a point in one's life when one cares about selling out and not selling out. One worries whether or not wearing a certain shirt means that they are behind the curve or ahead of it, or that having certain music in one's collection means that they are impressive, or unimpressive.

Thankfully, for some, this all passes. I am here to tell you that I have, a few years ago, found my way out of that thicket of comparison and relentless suspicion and judgment. And it is a nice feeling. Because, in the end, no one will ever give a shit who has kept shit 'real' except the two or three people, sitting in their apartments, bitter and self-devouring, who take it upon themselves to wonder about such things. The keeping real of shit matters to some people, but it does not matter to me. It's fashion, and I don't like fashion, because fashion does not matter.

What matters is that you do good work. What matters is that you produce things that are true and will stand. What matters is that the Flaming Lips's new album is ravishing and I've listened to it a thousand times already, sometimes for days on end, and it enriches me and makes me want to save people. What matters is that it will stand forever, long after any narrow-hearted curmudgeons have forgotten their appearance on goddamn 90210. What matters is not the perception, nor the fashion, not who's up and who's down, but what someone has done and if they meant it. What matters is that you want to see and make and do, on as grand a scale as you want, regardless of what the tiny voices of tiny people say. Do not be critics, you people, I beg you. I was a critic and I wish I could take it all back because it came from a smelly and ignorant place in me, and spoke with a voice that was all rage and envy. Do not dismiss a book until you have written one, and do not dismiss a movie until you have made one, and do not dismiss a person until you have met them. It is a fuckload of work to be open-minded and generous and understanding and forgiving and accepting, but Christ, that is what matters. What matters is saying yes.

I say yes, and Wayne Coyne says yes, and if that makes us the enemy, then good, good, good. We are evil people because we want to live and do things. We are on the wrong side because we should be home, calculating which move would be the least damaging to our downtown reputations. But I say yes because I am curious. I want to see things. I say yes when my high school friend tells me to come out because he's hanging with Puffy. A real story, that. I say yes when Hollywood says they'll give me enough money to publish a hundred different books, or send twenty kids through college. Saying no is so fucking boring.

And if anyone wants to hurt me for that, or dismiss me for that, for saying yes, I say Oh do it, do it you motherfuckers, finally, finally, finally."

(the whole interview can be read @ http://www.armchairnews.com/freelance/eggers.html)
-stephen

Thursday, March 22, 2007

my current playlist

these songs have been coursing my ears for these last few weeks and i thought i would share my favorite's of the moment.

*1. bloc party. a weekend in the city. kruezberg
2. snow patrol.eyes open. you could be happy
3. sia. colour the small one. breathe me
4. the shins. wincing the night away. phantom limb
5. rogue wave. just friendsd. eyes
6. the promise ring. woodwater. become one anything one time
7. the album leaf. into the blue again. always for you
*8. maria taylor. 11:11. leap year
9. jimmy eat world. futures. drugs or me
10. rufus wainwright. want one. vicious world.
11. sparklehorse.dreamt for light. don't take my sunshine away

what is your playlist?
-esteban

Monday, March 19, 2007

this industry is very condusive to my egocentric self.

this i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i me i me me i i me industry i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me is me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me very condusive i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i to me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me my i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i egocentric me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i i me me i i me i me i me i me me i i i me me i me me i i i i me me i me me i me me i i i me me me me me i me me i i me i me me i me me me i i me i i i me me me me me i me me i i i me me me i me me me i self

Thursday, March 15, 2007

spin.com book club

a dear friend named emily zelmer and spin magazine have asked me to participate in a book club, i loved the idea instantly because it gives me a chance to read others favorite books, or at least books that have inspired them along the road. there are several great musicians that are involved and i feel honored to be among them.

the first book we read was "jesus's son" by denis johnson, a charming piece of literature that has lead me to begin to read more of johnsons works. to view the bookclub click here, there is even a way for you guys to comment after you have read the book.

even though i am apart of this bookclub i don't condemn or condone any of the books that we are asked to read, i am in this for education and inspiration value only.
-esteban

Thursday, March 08, 2007

lessons from someone i may never see again, sitting on a bus i will never ride recurrently.

as i moved to the back of the bus i began to complain to someone accompanying me as to how early are flight got in, and why our manager booked a flight were we had to be up so early to fly to LA. as the hotel shuttle began to move i realized that the only seats still available were directly in the rear of the bus but was already being occupied by someone who owned a wheelchair.
"there's plenty of room back here mate," i heard in an obvious australian accent.
as i sat down beside him i realized that there was something different about this 24 year old man. you see, he didn't have any arms or legs, and he later explained that he was born like that. but that is not what made him different, what set him apart from all the other weary travelers is that he had a smile on his face and how he seemed rather exuberant for this hour of the morning.
he opened up the conversation and it seemed that even though we had never met we picked up right where we left off.
he was a motivational speaker from australia flying into LA to do a seminar, as we entered into our conversation his words seemed only to uplift as you would expect for someone in his profession, and i was in awe to the fact that i didn't get the feeling that deep inside he hurt. it was a genuine and heartfelt lust for life he emanated. he was genuinely content with who he was, and the cards he had been dealt.
he had accomplished so much even though he had been born 'different'; 2 college degrees, spoken with several CEO's, even presidents of nations, and had spoke in every inhabited continent. his life was amazing, and the obstacles he overcame seem nearly impossible even to someone who is operating all their faculty's like myself.
he left me with a sense of purpose, not what the definition of what purpose is, but the fact that anyone regardless of sexual orientation, religion, color, or physical deformities can desire, seek, and fulfill their purpose.
don't look at what you don't have, look at what you have (no matter how little or obsolete you think what you possess is)  and begin to utilize it for the betterment. for instance being sexually abused as a child is a horrid think to have to go through as a child, i wish that no one would ever have to go through such a traumatic experience. but instead of constantly asking 'why me?' for years and years ask 'who?, who can i help deliver from this abuse?" or "who can i help recover from their past." i understand that it is not easy to get over something traumatic in your life, but helping someone else may help you in your own recovery. by realizing you are not alone can give you a support system in recovery.
don't look at what you don't have, or what may have been lost in the past, but look at what you still have, and the talents and ability's you can share with others.
right before my new friend got off the bus he said " i don't shake hands for obvious reasons, i just hug," so as i embraced my new friend i realized that even though we had known each other for a few short moments he was a massive hero in my life, a person i will not forget any time soon.
as far as complaining about the little things in life, including flights, schedules, or lack of food selection, i have took a vow of silence. i'm sure its one i'm not going to live up to all the time. but i have a new sense of lasting inspiration now... a man i may never see again, on a bus i will never ride again. its not our lack we must concentrate upon but a future based firmly upon the little talents and ability's we do have.