Sunday, May 27, 2007

true friends stab you in the front -oscar wilde

where is the line between loyalty, truth, and friendship. this was the
topic of conversation as three friends and i ventured through the
confusing but well lite streets of downtown tokyo last night. my head
swooned with past cases in life where i desperately wanted to say
something to my friends but i shut my mouth for the sake of the so
called 'friendship'. now i want to think i know better. what better place to talk such matters of life than at a traditional japanese cuisine better known as TGI Fridays. but this culture is beautiful, i have never seen a more respectful people in the entire world. The streets are clean, everyone takes pride in their profession, the art is intriquing, and the architecture is some of the most awe striking and futureistic in the world.

'Don't believe your friends when they ask you to be honest with them. All they really want is to be maintained in the good opinion they have of themselves.'
-albert camus

i'm sure mister camus was making light of this topic, but i wonder sometimes if this is what people really want, a nod of false approval over the reproach of honesty and eventual clemency.

when and where is the point where the betterment of the other persons life
is more important than a friendship? when do you care more about the
other person than the time you have invested in that person. i think a
true, real, and deep friendship must contain honesty to the point
where it hurts, and inevitablly there will be some ammount of pain in any good relationship.

i recently had a friend who was in an absolutely in an unhealthy
relationship. i was not yet that steeped into a deep friendship with
them so i felt at ease in confronting the situation. since that moment, however,
our friendship has deepened immensely because they saw that i cared greatly for them and it gave them free liberty to be honest and pour into my life. something i desperately want from all my friend's, i don't want to maintain the false opinion of myself if it means my character is not developing on a continual basis due to a lack of accountability.

i am at loss for words or know how on this situation as i am faced yet again with approaching a best friend this time. i have invested many years and many hours of pouring hearts to one another. i don't know how to approach him/her, and am wrestling with simply keeping my mouth shut for the fluidity of our friendship. but i know now if i wanted to be approached with candid honesty than i must report with candid honesty. i have time, wondering these streets i am left with some sense of solitude because i only know two words in japanese.  

-esteban