Thursday, March 25, 2004

"i'm new at this writing about 'deep thought' etc....but i'll give it a shot:

i guess i can call your entry on original thoughts a catalyst to what has
been a continuous stream of thoughts of my own--all in one day. One of the more
difficult questions i have asked myself is possibly the hardest and the easiest
question to answer. "Who am i really?" what type of person am i? i have been
observing people lately, and have noticed how many people change according to
who they are surrounded by. my immediate reaction is 'why can't they be
themselves around everyone? they are being fake.'
and then my hypocricy smacks me in the face.
i am the exact same way. i am my own chamelion--changing to fit in wherever i
am. i have tried to counteract this by telling myself that i am going to
start being myself around everyone. i will voice my opinions as i see fit. i am
going to go up to that person who is causing problems for everyone and tell it
like it is (excuse the cliche). i get pumped and excited about the "new me--the
real me" that is emerging, waiting anxiously to just burst out of me. "
then i go to school..."
-k
K
Things are about to change even more. you are 2 months away from graduating High School, you are going to college soon, realize that your freshman year of college is the biggest change you undergo perhaps in your entire lifetime. you are going to be away from your parents, your current peers (which have taught you that popularity is essential but in all reality it is soon to be pointless since no one cares who you were in high school now that your at college), and the umbrella of safety you had living at home. Everything is going to change, your environment, what you knew as "home", its all going to change. now its you against the world, those beliefs that you held so dear throughout high school are going to change, now they are going to begin to get challenged where they may have been the social norm in your community. not everyone is going to believe how you believe and practice what you have preached in the past. it is easy not to be addicted to heroin when no one is offering it to you. in other words everything is about to be accessible. sex, drugs, drinking, doubt, etc. were probably easy to battle off because your bubble (or circle of friends) were not participating, or even exposed to such things. So what do you do? You have to figure out what you believe and then stand by it. You have to learn, grow, and adapt. you have to become YOU. It is in doubt that we learn faith, it is fear of the unknown that we truly find safety, it is in the acceptance of ignorance that we begin to find a thirst for knowledge, it is in life experiences that you find... YOU. the future is nothing to be scared of, it is beautiful, and full of moments one will never forget. do not be scared of failure, for it is there that we can easily learn from our mistakes, and help others not to stumble in this long journey we call life.

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