mirror, mirror.
they always looked so lonely to me, and i never understood how people could be so cruel as to keep them in such a small bowl, floating in one place for, well... for the rest of their lives. siamese fighting fish, or betta fish, live solitary lives not because it is cruel as i had thought growing up, but because in most situations they will attack or kill any other betta fish they are near, as they are very territorial.
i recently visited my brother tim in washington, dc, and he had one such amazing fish. it had a beautiful long tail, multi colored in purple and blue's. we began to talk about it and he was telling me random facts and behaviors of this 'lonely' fish and mentioned its aversion to mirrors. i had never heard about this and so tim showed me, the 'trick' is to hold a mirror up to the tank of the siamese fighting fish and it will puff up to more than twice its size because it thinks that in the mirror is another betta fish and must now defend its territory. it worked, the fish grew exponentially and it was fascinating to see. we tried it a few more times but i soon felt cruel myself because even after the mirror was gone the fish would swim in circles looking for its attacker.
mirror. the enemy was a mirror.
i am a betta fish. i would assume if were honest with ourselves that most of us are. it is so easy to see others flaws, we can judge at ease, and mocking silently is a sad habit for most of us. we can see easily the problems and map out the obvious solutions in others but when it comes to us, we maintain that 'though we are not perfect, others are worse'. and then comes the mirror.
not to many of us have true mirrors in our lives, they are a very few HONEST select friends, loved ones, or lovers that show us exactly who we are or what we are doing. they inform us that we are failing, that we have a personality flaw, or we are not living up to our potential. and what do we do? we blow up, we circle, and then look to attack. most of us cannot handle the truth when we come face to face with the honesty in the mirror. i know i can't, i want to believe that i have it sorted, that i have come to a place in my life where i am 'good' or have most things figured out. but i don't and it was idiotic to think that i have anything figured out.
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."
- William Shakespeare
for those who are blessed (like me) to have a mirror, make sure the next time they are honest with you that your first reaction is NOT to blow up or attack, because from observation that seems to lead to a very enclosed and lonely life. we can all change, we can all reach far beyond what we ever thought possible in our own lives but it is going to take working through those areas in life that are lacking.
'The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.'
Proverbs 12:15
there is someone reading this who thinks they have it figured out or is pretending that they can't relate to this post... and for those people i have a challenge. find your mirror, and ask. thats it. just ask. ask them what areas they feel you can change, or from the outside what do they see in your life is holding you down. most of us don't want to hear the answer... i know i don't. but we have too if we hope to keep from an isolation and stagnation. don't fight your mirror, just stare.
-esteban
'we have found the enemy, and he is us.'
-pogo
i recently visited my brother tim in washington, dc, and he had one such amazing fish. it had a beautiful long tail, multi colored in purple and blue's. we began to talk about it and he was telling me random facts and behaviors of this 'lonely' fish and mentioned its aversion to mirrors. i had never heard about this and so tim showed me, the 'trick' is to hold a mirror up to the tank of the siamese fighting fish and it will puff up to more than twice its size because it thinks that in the mirror is another betta fish and must now defend its territory. it worked, the fish grew exponentially and it was fascinating to see. we tried it a few more times but i soon felt cruel myself because even after the mirror was gone the fish would swim in circles looking for its attacker.
mirror. the enemy was a mirror.
i am a betta fish. i would assume if were honest with ourselves that most of us are. it is so easy to see others flaws, we can judge at ease, and mocking silently is a sad habit for most of us. we can see easily the problems and map out the obvious solutions in others but when it comes to us, we maintain that 'though we are not perfect, others are worse'. and then comes the mirror.
not to many of us have true mirrors in our lives, they are a very few HONEST select friends, loved ones, or lovers that show us exactly who we are or what we are doing. they inform us that we are failing, that we have a personality flaw, or we are not living up to our potential. and what do we do? we blow up, we circle, and then look to attack. most of us cannot handle the truth when we come face to face with the honesty in the mirror. i know i can't, i want to believe that i have it sorted, that i have come to a place in my life where i am 'good' or have most things figured out. but i don't and it was idiotic to think that i have anything figured out.
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."
- William Shakespeare
for those who are blessed (like me) to have a mirror, make sure the next time they are honest with you that your first reaction is NOT to blow up or attack, because from observation that seems to lead to a very enclosed and lonely life. we can all change, we can all reach far beyond what we ever thought possible in our own lives but it is going to take working through those areas in life that are lacking.
'The way of a fool seems right to him, but a wise man listens to advice.'
Proverbs 12:15
there is someone reading this who thinks they have it figured out or is pretending that they can't relate to this post... and for those people i have a challenge. find your mirror, and ask. thats it. just ask. ask them what areas they feel you can change, or from the outside what do they see in your life is holding you down. most of us don't want to hear the answer... i know i don't. but we have too if we hope to keep from an isolation and stagnation. don't fight your mirror, just stare.
-esteban
'we have found the enemy, and he is us.'
-pogo
Comments
I'm extremely glad you posted this...because this is a true statement. All of it.
Great analogy. I like this post because I'm trying very hard to change right now.
"The fool doth think he is wise, but the wise man knows himself to be a fool."
Well, I guess I'm at a good starting point then, because my latest journal entry reads "I'm a fool if ever there was one!"
Chris
The mirror trick only works with the beta fish bowl because the water is crystal clear and the poor creature has nowhere to hide. If we give a clouded view to others, the mirror trick is rendered useless. If we hide down in the dirty bottom we don't ever have to face the mirror. Half truths and hidden feelings make the waters murky. Swimming to the surface is the hardest thing to do.
Luckily for us, we CAN change our location if we really want to. Sadly, most of us never do jump into a bigger bowl though. We swim in circles repeating the same mistakes and learning nothing from them. Maybe we WANT to be the big beautiful fish in the tiny bowl. Nobody to deal with but our own puffed up pride...and nobody to share our oxygen and daily food. It's safe in there!
One big problem...without your brother feeding him Mr. Blue Beta would perish and be forgotten. How easily we forget to be thankful for our caretaker..watching over us!
9:59 AM
1. yay a new update! thanks!
2. i'm fortunate to have friends and a family that tells me like it is who are also not polite at all when it comes to the truth and honesty. i've learnt to accept and improve the hard way. i took seemingly ages to have my ego deflated by honesty and inflate it again by my own two hands. you are and only can do so much in this lifetime, so why not try to improve and steer your life in the right direction when guidance is just right in front signalling you. i am still working behind the steering wheel and the problem of too much friction (read: pride) gets in the way sometimes. but really, it does feel sooo good when you accept, improve and move on.
great analogy. I in fact, just 30 seconds before writing this, I asked my mirror, "What do you see?" And now I am waiting to hear what he's going to say. I have double-blessing since my mirror is my father and my best friend. He's going to tell me tomorrow, and knowing him he'll say the scary stuff we're all dreading to hear from own mirrors, but I know he'll then end by saying that he sees in me a great goodness that is waiting to be made known once the mirrors in my life slowly are acknowledged and properly dealt with according to the advice given to me about them.
She was talking to me about it because I am about to become a mother. And as you know, I am also disabled. Because of this, I have gotten a lot of advice from family members. Most of it has been helpful, and some of it hasn't been.
I started to get extremely annoyed with the hurtful advice. They were telling me that I needed a baby doll to "practice" with before Isaac is born so that I know how to hold him, or that I needed OT (occupational therapy) to help me.
I kept telling them that I was very hurt by that advice, simply because I will be his mother, and even though I am nervous when holding friends' babies, I will have no fear holding my own son.
And then I realized.......people are just trying to help. They may not know what it is going to be like for me to be a disabled mother, but the people offering the advice do know what it is like to be a mother, and so they were just trying to help, even if it came across as hurtful to me.
Since that time, (just a few weeks ago) I realized it's a very good thing to have a mirror and ask God where changes need to take place.
and thanks for setting me and my little beta fish self straight.
Whenever I look in the mirror, I'm always reminded of the painful moments in my life, times when I hurt someone because I didn't comprehend the consequences of my actions, and that I have the power to affect people on an emotional level. There are those things about myself that I wish to change, as difficult and and as painful as it might be.
But I also remember that, despite all my failings and mistakes, I am inherently a good person. I truly desire to help people and learn from them, because they have so much to teach me. I want to become a better person so that I will be able to form more friendships and learn from the multitudes of people on this planet.
When I make a mistake or hurt someone, it pains me deeply, and the consequences of that action act as my mirror. The fragmenting of friendship is enough to teach me a lesson and halt my current self-destructive behavior.
Perhaps, at least, if we fail and "puff up" we can at least let go and stop circling.
When we look into the mirror, and see something a miss (our hair is out of place) only then can we address the issue.
It's definitely hard for me. I do want constructive criticism, but I think I sometimes fear it as well. And sometimes it hurts.
I would love for you to read my response to your post. I truly believe in what you are talking about. I took it one step further and thought about how we can even risk "breaking those mirrors" and hurting those who reflect in our lives. If we are not careful and attack those mirrors too many times, we may lose the opinion of those mirrors we care about.
http://mobacher.blogspot.com/2011/01/beta-fish-and-humans-compared-by.html
I hit a rough spot in my faith this past month after being at what I felt like was the highest point in my faith in my entire life. And I think this was because I stopped being honest with myself. I looked in mirrors to see what I wanted. The Lord was on my thoughts a lot, but I also wasn't being honest with myself about his true character, despite what I know. It's been a difficulty getting up to climb back up, but I know God's using this chance to refine me.
"Always littler, lighter, in order to be lifted more easily by the breeze of love." -Therese of Lisieux
I'll be your mirror
Reflect what you are, in case you don't know
I'll be the wind, the rain and the sunset
The light on your door to show that you're home
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I find it hard to believe you don't know
The beauty that you are
But if you don't let me be your eyes
A hand in your darkness, so you won't be afraid
When you think the night has seen your mind
That inside you're twisted and unkind
Let me stand to show that you are blind
Please put down your hands
'Cause I see you
I'll be your mirror