Sunday, July 17, 2005

circle circle circle circle etc.

I've been thinking a lot about the entire circumference of life. birth life death. everything in between.
we all go threw all the cycles. take it for granted in the begining. appreciate it only when were nearing the end.
for example.
the other day in the airport leaving NYC i saw an old man who just saw his 12-14 year old grandfather for the first time in what appeared to be a great while.
the grandfather was near tears to see how big the young man had grown. the kid just stood there numb to the entire situation; but the grandfather grabbed him by the face and kissed both cheeks.

i remember being that kid. everytime my grandparents would try to hug/show affection i would back away. make it as quick as possible. i thought they were wrinkled and well... old.
but then i realized that not only do i remember being that kid, but i will be that old wrinkled man one day. i will be overwhelmed @ the sight of my grandchildren. i will love them unconditionally. i will want to kiss both of the sides of their face. i will pretend to put a brick on their head, and say "we should put a brick on your head so you stop growing," just like my grandfather did. my grandchildren won't get my humor, they will give me a courtesy laugh and head for my refrigerator, just like i did.
but my grand kids will be wrinkled one day, and want to kiss both sides of their grandchildrens face. and thus the circumference will continue.
everything is so new to us because were young. we don't realize that generation upon generations have gone before us, been young and stupid, grew grey and wise, and forgot to tell us how confusing life could be, i think that is why i have such a fascination with coming of age books. because i don't feel so awkward when i realize i'm not the only one amateur in this world.

'to be conscious that you are ignorant of the facts is a great step to knowledge'
-benjamen disraeli

the older i get the more of a complete fool i realize i have always been and still am.
-estaban

7 comments:

Orrin said...

I bet you mean grandchild not grandfather.

Shannon said...

I thought about that a few years ago. My mom works in a nursing home..she has for 21 years. So being in that enviroment you see that alot. The only thing I regret is that I was that kid with my grandparents but not with other peoples. I still don't know why. It is a hard concept for me to grasp.

MH said...

Grandparents are awesome, absolutely awesome. I wish I still had all of mine; I miss the funny stories my grandfather would tell; I miss the more exciting ones he told about being a paratrooper in WWII. I wished I had cared more a few years back, when I still had all of them. Most people at the age of 16 have them still, I guess, but I cannot reiterate how amazing people who've been around a lot longer than I have are.

If anything's really hard, it's trying to remember that I don't know everything--no matter how smart I am.

Thanks for the reminder.
~Mh~

Anonymous said...

I live with my grandfather. I love him to death, but I seriously think he's going crazy. He's 84 and even the thought of him not being here tomorrow frightens me. I know my whole family's lives wouldn't be the same.


moni, va

Lianne said...

"i don't feel so awkward when i realize i'm not the only one amateur in this world."

I like that line. but hey - when will anyone of us become a 'professional'? I found (among others)this definition: "A person who practices an occupation involving high standards of intellectual knowledge after successfully completing the required education and training."

ha. There we go.

Anonymous said...

THE OLDER I GET, THE BETTER I WAS.

Story of a Girl said...

very touching. Made me think back and think forward just as you did.