to be a sinking ship or a lighthouse.
i wanted a lighthouse. maybe i was supposed to be the lighthouse. either way with the fact is at moments life has a way of slowly putting a pillow over your face as you try to sleep. a slow and steady suffocation, i wish it was all of a sudden so that you could instantly deal with it and leave it in yesterdays wake.
at moments this feels like such a negative world we live in, the only bright spots in it we ourselves must create for others.
i woke to the sounds of an argument or 'discussion' with a loved one, i can't seem to make them happy, or maybe they can't make themselves happy. either way i feel very responsible and helpless this many miles away.
some time ago i got news that a friend nearly killed himself because of depression, but one week ago i sat next to him. nearly in silence, talking to him about shallow instances and surface niceties. i wanted to go back in time and pull him away from himself, and the pain that surrounded him.
today as i walked through scranton warped tour someone from stage began to string the longest chain of swear words i had heard the entire tour and call for girls to take certain items of their clothing off. the person sitting behind one of the the merch tables had a cardboard sign asking for sexual favors, a fight broke out, a guy was groping his girlfriend right there in public, and then it began to rain, i felt it was so fitting.
i cannot allow myself to wallow in the mire of negativity for long, for mapping out the long and winding road of negativity means i must travel it to chart it. i allow myself to fail, for if i had never failed i could have never learned the lessons i hold dear. but as far as drowning in what i see all around me i refuse to watch from a distance simply shaking my head in pity. i am going to be the lighthouse that brings people to shore. i may lose some along the way, but all i can do is shine a light.
'Avoid destructive thinking. Improper negative thoughts sink people. A ship can sail around the world many, many times, but just let enough water get into the ship and it will sink. Just so with the human mind. Let enough negative thoughts or improper thoughts get into the human mind and the person sinks just like a ship.'
-Alfred A Montapert
sorry so random, just on my mind.