to be a sinking ship or a lighthouse.
'Throughout history, it has been the inaction of those who could have acted; the indifference of those who should have known better; the silence of the voice of justice when it mattered most; that has made it possible for evil to triumph.'
-Haile Selassie
i wanted a lighthouse. maybe i was supposed to be the lighthouse. either way with the fact is at moments life has a way of slowly putting a pillow over your face as you try to sleep. a slow and steady suffocation, i wish it was all of a sudden so that you could instantly deal with it and leave it in yesterdays wake.
at moments this feels like such a negative world we live in, the only bright spots in it we ourselves must create for others.
i woke to the sounds of an argument or 'discussion' with a loved one, i can't seem to make them happy, or maybe they can't make themselves happy. either way i feel very responsible and helpless this many miles away.
some time ago i got news that a friend nearly killed himself because of depression, but one week ago i sat next to him. nearly in silence, talking to him about shallow instances and surface niceties. i wanted to go back in time and pull him away from himself, and the pain that surrounded him.
today as i walked through scranton warped tour someone from stage began to string the longest chain of swear words i had heard the entire tour and call for girls to take certain items of their clothing off. the person sitting behind one of the the merch tables had a cardboard sign asking for sexual favors, a fight broke out, a guy was groping his girlfriend right there in public, and then it began to rain, i felt it was so fitting.
i cannot allow myself to wallow in the mire of negativity for long, for mapping out the long and winding road of negativity means i must travel it to chart it. i allow myself to fail, for if i had never failed i could have never learned the lessons i hold dear. but as far as drowning in what i see all around me i refuse to watch from a distance simply shaking my head in pity. i am going to be the lighthouse that brings people to shore. i may lose some along the way, but all i can do is shine a light.
'Avoid destructive thinking. Improper negative thoughts sink people. A ship can sail around the world many, many times, but just let enough water get into the ship and it will sink. Just so with the human mind. Let enough negative thoughts or improper thoughts get into the human mind and the person sinks just like a ship.'
-Alfred A Montapert
sorry so random, just on my mind.
-Haile Selassie
i wanted a lighthouse. maybe i was supposed to be the lighthouse. either way with the fact is at moments life has a way of slowly putting a pillow over your face as you try to sleep. a slow and steady suffocation, i wish it was all of a sudden so that you could instantly deal with it and leave it in yesterdays wake.
at moments this feels like such a negative world we live in, the only bright spots in it we ourselves must create for others.
i woke to the sounds of an argument or 'discussion' with a loved one, i can't seem to make them happy, or maybe they can't make themselves happy. either way i feel very responsible and helpless this many miles away.
some time ago i got news that a friend nearly killed himself because of depression, but one week ago i sat next to him. nearly in silence, talking to him about shallow instances and surface niceties. i wanted to go back in time and pull him away from himself, and the pain that surrounded him.
today as i walked through scranton warped tour someone from stage began to string the longest chain of swear words i had heard the entire tour and call for girls to take certain items of their clothing off. the person sitting behind one of the the merch tables had a cardboard sign asking for sexual favors, a fight broke out, a guy was groping his girlfriend right there in public, and then it began to rain, i felt it was so fitting.
i cannot allow myself to wallow in the mire of negativity for long, for mapping out the long and winding road of negativity means i must travel it to chart it. i allow myself to fail, for if i had never failed i could have never learned the lessons i hold dear. but as far as drowning in what i see all around me i refuse to watch from a distance simply shaking my head in pity. i am going to be the lighthouse that brings people to shore. i may lose some along the way, but all i can do is shine a light.
'Avoid destructive thinking. Improper negative thoughts sink people. A ship can sail around the world many, many times, but just let enough water get into the ship and it will sink. Just so with the human mind. Let enough negative thoughts or improper thoughts get into the human mind and the person sinks just like a ship.'
-Alfred A Montapert
sorry so random, just on my mind.
Comments
As the days went by I soon realized that God had taken me from all that I was comfortable with to light a darkened part of our world. I was shocked to see and hear what goes on around me, and I strove to live by Gods ways through it all. This perservance became my grief, my joy.
My heart when out for my fallen brothers and sisters but realizing that only God can save them, I focused on what I can control, myself.
"As a child I dreamt of saving the world, but realized it would have none of it, as a man I dreamt of changing my nation, but was ignored, as an old man I dreamt of changing my family, but couldn't, and only now on my death bed do I realize I should've changed myself, then my town, then my nation, then maybe I could've changed the world." - Some Archbishop
I encourage you! Be that lighthouse, not all will follow, but all will see!
-Rover Fox
Seeing and being exposed to the scummy, insufficient band-aids people patch over their hopelessness and need can drag us down so quickly.
I think you've got the right idea, though, Stephen--the only answer or solace in the face of the crushing lack of hope in our world is to work as hard as you can within your personal sphere of influence, and I want to affirm that you have been that lighthouse, and that God has used you powerfully, and will keep doing so.
If I can be so crass as to offer a suggestion, I find that some kind of superficial pleasure (normally in my case, it's something like a cup of tea and a short story by P.G. Wodehouse, or a conversation with someone that always makes me smile) enjoyed completely for its own sake can clear up the nagging negativity.
I'm praying for you; may there be some clearing of your sky in the near future.
nicole
You can read the full analogy here:
http://jsnrudy.wordpress.com/2008/07/20/the-future-is-becoming-a-little-clearer-maybe/
God bless as you shine God's light onto others.
I'm deeply sorry that you are having to deal with this. The world is full of disgust, but there is also so much good in this world as well. And it's important to surround yourself with love & positive thoughts so you don't miss those good opportunities.
It's early here but there's so much I would like to say. Maybe another time then. :P
I don't think this was random. I appreciate it and really needed to hear this. Negative thinking only brings in more negativity, but positive thinking brings on so much GOOD. Plus, with out all the bad in this world, we wouldn't have anything to accomplish, to learn from. So in a way, the bad can always be good. :)
God bless, Stephen. And I hope you continue to be a lighthouse. You are certainly one for me.
wrong.
we're getting somewhere. the only way out might not be the most desirable way, but it is the safest.
sometimes, i find the greatest strength and encouragement in other people's seemingly random thoughts. this is one of those times. thank you.
Stephen, you're one of (if not the) most respected persons in the scene (just check out the latest post on AP.net featuring your explanation of TFGD)... you have been a lighthouse for some time, and i'm glad you continuously find motivation to carry on you're awesomeness. You are Christ to a scene that desperately needs more of Him.
thank you again for inspiring -- it's your ability to share your weaknesses that beckons me onward in my own journey.
and since we are human as well, we have our battles to face and sometimes we just want to dim that light that we feel inadequate to lead or guide others, but thats where His wisdom comes in you know. i know not everyone is a believer and what not, but most of the time everyone underestimates the influence they have on others, and the good that they can do. especially when we are going through our own trials. but one thing that i was taught was that bad things don't happen to us as much as they happen FOR us... that you know, in the end, there is something to learn, that we stand stronger, and wiser.
i want to be a lighthouse as well. despite my flaws, i want to use what i've been given, what i've been through to help others out. that the ignorance of this world doesn't have to rub off on me.
i was just thinking about how donald miller and other people have to raise awareness for causes. why should people have to raise awareness for things such as darfur, such as hungry children, such as missing and exploited kids, and things that SHOULD matter to us... these things shouldn't have to be made aware... i'm not sure if that makes sense... i think to me it does...
but thanks again for posting this. i always enjoy the quotes that accompanies your entries. you must read a lot... have any recommendations besides miller and your book of course, i already finished millers and your book is on its way (birthday present from a friend; i'm too shy to ask for it early, even tho i know its there)
Everyday all of us are surrounded by people who conduct themselves in a way we would not. We can't control others, all we can control is how we go about conducting ourselves, as we allow God to shine His light through us.
Take a look at the parable of the weeds and the wheat (Matt. 13: 24-30, 36-43). There will always be weeds, we can't control that, and sometimes when we try to take matters into our own hands it can bring out weed-like qualities in us (wanting revenge or believing the lie that we're in a position to judge others). At the end of the day, the weeds are the responsibility of our merciful God. For now, we just focus on how God can act in our lives to make us finest wheat that His kingdom may grow.
Wow, this is getting lengthy, apologies for the sermonizing : )
Daniel+
Your words reminded me of the latest song by Brandon Heath that I can't seem to get out of my head. It talks about wanting to have Jesus' eyes to view humanity...wouldn't that make a world of difference. Here's some of the lyrics:
"give me your eyes for just one second
give me your eyes so I can see everything that I keep missing
give me your love for humanity
give my your arms for the brokenhearted-the ones who are far beyond my reach
give me your heart for the ones forgotten
give me your eyes so that I can see"
God Bless
I visited a friend in Atlantic City today and my Aunt, who is from Medford, asked her how the living was in South AC. My friend said it didn't matter because people can tell themselves to be happy and she makes due with that. My Aunt was really amazed by that statement and talked about my friend half of the hour-long drive home.
My friend is a lighthouse also. Just remember that there are many lighthouses around the world, and since you have the power to reach out to millions of people (via this blog, Anberlin, Anchor and Braille etc.), you are one of the larger and more powerful landmarks. =]
Sincerely,
Amanda
I was planning on attending warped in the morning to see you. I was planning on going in with "blinders on" due to fear of what I was going to see or hear.
You reminded me that my husband and I had a really great experience when we picked a drunk girl up of the road after a concert at Cornerstone last year. She was messed up beyond belief.
Four hours later we lead her to accept Christ. She had a total turn around. No more binge drinking, no more "cutting". She really did have a true conversion. We continue to keep in contact with her. She is doing great. Totally worth the effort. It could have gone the other way, but wow, what a great thing to have happened! We literally picked her up off the ground.
I forgot to plan on being a lighthouse tomorrow..I really did have plans to turn the light out. My big mistake. THANKS FOR A KICK IN THE BUTT!
On the subject of lighthouses, we have already talked this year about gathering at the very same one. The beautiful lady at the pier at ST. Joe. She stands there above the rocks and dangerous waves. The way, the truth, the light. Alone, but on solid ground. Lighthouses always look forlorn to me. I am sure there is more than a few comparisons to make here to Christ. He did take himself across the lake for renewal and time away from the crowd and the disciples. I am sure you are in need of that right now....
So Stephen, "the sun will come out chin tiger". Sometimes YOU are the sun. Sometimes you need a friend to be the sun. So read these blogs and see that you have been there for so very many of us..thanks!
even 20 years+ from now.
see you sept 4th.
Keeping fighting and we will persevere. :)
~<3 Rachel~
It's really weird, because my sister is the most negative person I've ever met. she can make ANY situation bad. no matter how good it is. sometimes I wonder, why couldn't God just have evened us out? instead of making one super-positive and one super-negative? I don't even know what to do with her. just me being happy bothers her.
The only way I really know how to be a "lighthouse" to negative people is to talk about all the organizations I support and how they can help the less fortunate. I think helping people, especially in poor countries can help negative thinking. because once they see the rest of the world they realize they don't have it THAT bad. (whiny american teenagers drive me nuts!) and it takes their minds of themselves, and as everyone knows, helping others make you feel good.
All these depressed teens, I just want to drag them to africa. we're actually considering starting an organization to do that...
Anyways, this reminded me of a certain book you should possibly consider :) Don't know the connection between your post and the message of the story, but for some reason, it stuck.
The Hearts and Lives of Men by Fen Weldon
You are truly inspiring.
As some of the others commenters have said, you are a lighthouse - to us.
The things you write...
make me want to write better,
learn more,
be a better person.
I'm for real too, man.
I don't know why this is hitting me like this either - when I find out I'll let ya know.
But... gee whiz. Don't ever stop being a lighthouse for the wanderers, because in a world like the one we have today, those who have the lights can't afford to let them go out. There's too much to lose.
But they will shine in glory with the rising of the sun.
We live in a world where the sun hasn't rose,
But we cling to the hope that someday it will.
Just something I wrote,
-Rover Fox
you've helped me find my way lots of times whether it was through your songs, this blog, or your book.
i never got to say thank you for being my lighthouse.
thank you stephen.
Philippians 4:8
Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.
You aren't alone. Even if you can't see other lighthouses out there. I'm going to pull myself up again and try harder to get my light out there.
"You can't help everyone everywhere, but you can help someone somewhere."
In reference to light and lighthouses, I think of "Let your light so shine before men that they may see YOUR good works and glorify your father who is in heaven."
Its the human condition I believe to feel like our attempts at being a light in society are never enough. I know I often find myself feeling overwhelmed. There's too much darkness, I'm in this alone, maybe God is not working through me, I wish there was more I could say or do... etc etc.
I guess the biggest thing is that we aren't in this alone. You may be one lighthouse, but you are never alone in your journey. No man is an island, to be ultra cliche.
Now we see but a poor reflection... now we know in part, then we will know fully even as we are fully known!
Our labors are not in vain. Places of darkness are simply areas that have not yet been consumed by the light.
Thanks for sharing. I'll definately be back.
thanks to my beautiful daughter kelli, i was introduced to your amazing music just 2 weeks ago and i have been more inspired than i have in years. keep on spreading your warmth and good words, it's contagious! and, remember, be patient, but stay hungry - for you never know when something wonderful will be just around the corner. you are an inspiration to all... feel the wind, sun or rain on your face and realize that we all in this together!
It's so easy to read Christ's words about being persecuted, but to live on the lonely end of silent persecution, while many around you ram themselves into destructive ends while elbowing you out for your "lack of understanding"- well, it's a lot easier to read about than to live through.
it's encouraging to know that there are guys like you out there feeling the same thing.
like an island surrounded with an ocean wide,
so god's unconditional love surrounds us on each side.
like blue skies encircling the whole world in space,
so god's unchanging love encircles us with grace.
like rainbows with splendor - touching earth on rainy days,
so the splendor of god's love touches us always.
like parents' matchless love - holding close their only child,
so god's matchless love holds you -embracing you with smiles.
perry tanksley
just thought these words spoke volumes... we are never truly alone.
Any little step we take towards being a lighthouse is worthwhile :)
And just to let you know, you don't have to play superhero to be a proverbial lighthouse. No one can fix everything that's wrong with the world. You're fantastic at what you do – I'm sure that you've helped out more people than you could ever imagine. You're already a lighthouse by my definition :)
P.S.: Sorry if this ends up posting twice. I tried to send it earlier and it didn't show up, so... I'm really not sure how quickly these things register.
Put THAT into a song!
sorry this comment is hopelessly vague, but to elaborate would take too long.
on a better note, thank you for this post, it has encouraged me greatly in some tough things im dealing with right now.
that probably sounds terribly pessimistic, but its an honest question.
"If you feel like the only one
If you feel like you're on the outside
I know there's one who sees you so you don’t have to be afraid"
The Promise by Means
some good guys.