reject acceptance. accept rejection.
‘you have to know how to accept rejection and reject acceptance.’
-ray bradbury
'so this is the new year and i don’t feel any different' (-DCFC), actually a lot has happened in 2008. A LOT.
this blog is simply a suggestion for those in need of new years resolution, or those who need another one to add to the list of things to change or improve on in the next 365 days. or 16 days, or 3 depending on your self discipline.
i heard a story recently (whether it was true or not i could not figure out but i did check out several websites that reverberated the same story) about producer steven spielburg and how he got his start by wondering off of tour on the universal studio’s lot and started meeting people and making connections which began his career.
that got me thinking, how much guts it had to take to knowingly sign up for the tour knowing full well that you just want to sneak off and begin a career even though your probably breaking the tour rules, and perhaps breaking a few laws in the process.
but whats the worst that could happen? honestly. who cares if people say no, at the end of the day what does it matter? rejection doesn’t hurt so bad when you look back in time and analyze all the success that simply asking will gain you.
so this upcoming year all i am asking is that you simply try. i know it sounds easy, but its not because sometimes it hurts to hear no. but what if, just what if there is a yes to be found amongst the no.
take a chance as ask him/her, talk to your boss about that new position, apply to that college you don’t think you have a chance at, plan that trip and worry about how to get another job to pay for it later, apply to another bigger better job you have always dreamed of, ask that person if they want to start a band, send out your poetry to see if the new yorker will publish it.
what is the worst that could happen, a no? a no from someone you may never see or hear from again? a person that is simply on the other line of the phone that you may never meet? and WHO CARES! life is to short to worry more about rejection than lavish in the possibilities that simply asking a simple question might bring.
RESOLVE TO SIMPLY ASK, AND PROMISE YOURSELF THAT NO IS MEANINGLESS.
i know that i have posted this previously but its one of my favorite quotes of all time, (you may recognize a lyric or two from NTFP)
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
-esteban
-ray bradbury
'so this is the new year and i don’t feel any different' (-DCFC), actually a lot has happened in 2008. A LOT.
this blog is simply a suggestion for those in need of new years resolution, or those who need another one to add to the list of things to change or improve on in the next 365 days. or 16 days, or 3 depending on your self discipline.
i heard a story recently (whether it was true or not i could not figure out but i did check out several websites that reverberated the same story) about producer steven spielburg and how he got his start by wondering off of tour on the universal studio’s lot and started meeting people and making connections which began his career.
that got me thinking, how much guts it had to take to knowingly sign up for the tour knowing full well that you just want to sneak off and begin a career even though your probably breaking the tour rules, and perhaps breaking a few laws in the process.
but whats the worst that could happen? honestly. who cares if people say no, at the end of the day what does it matter? rejection doesn’t hurt so bad when you look back in time and analyze all the success that simply asking will gain you.
so this upcoming year all i am asking is that you simply try. i know it sounds easy, but its not because sometimes it hurts to hear no. but what if, just what if there is a yes to be found amongst the no.
take a chance as ask him/her, talk to your boss about that new position, apply to that college you don’t think you have a chance at, plan that trip and worry about how to get another job to pay for it later, apply to another bigger better job you have always dreamed of, ask that person if they want to start a band, send out your poetry to see if the new yorker will publish it.
what is the worst that could happen, a no? a no from someone you may never see or hear from again? a person that is simply on the other line of the phone that you may never meet? and WHO CARES! life is to short to worry more about rejection than lavish in the possibilities that simply asking a simple question might bring.
RESOLVE TO SIMPLY ASK, AND PROMISE YOURSELF THAT NO IS MEANINGLESS.
i know that i have posted this previously but its one of my favorite quotes of all time, (you may recognize a lyric or two from NTFP)
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.”
-esteban
Comments
With that said, I'll admit that I always tell myself to live my life and take chances, but I rarely ever do. I not only fear rejection, but I expect it too; the bigger issue is that I don't think I'm capable of whatever it is I'm trying to accomplish... but I'm working on it, and it feels like next year may be the year.
"Every experience God gives us, every person he puts in our lives, is the perfect preparation for the future only he can see." Corrie ten Boom
Have a happy and healthy new year!
Chris
Discovering your band this year was really something I'm so happy I did. I don't know if you read all your comments, but I just have to say, you might wonder how on earth you and Anberlin is changing the world, but you sure did something to me and perhaps a whole lot more people. This blog is exactly what I'm going through right now. I'm a musician also, (in fact, my dream is to become just like you, Stephen Christian!), and I experienced rejection this year. I know why too; I myself don't like anything I write, but I know it's really bad to compare myself to you guys. After reading this blog on New Years Eve, I've gained new confidence and hope (I nearly cried when you talked about asking so-and-so about starting a band, just asking). I know this all sounds really cheesy, but I just thank you so much for writing this and doing what you do. You're right. Rejection now doesn't matter when you're living in the future and looking back at how much you've done. Hey, you'll never really know when you guys are old and "legendary," which young band will come out and open for you one day. You really never know...
Happy New Year! ~Sam
thank you!
The reason people are scared of rejection is because we believe rejection is failure. But if I can accept failure, by accepting rejection (as you suggest), I know I can do no wrong. I'm scared to death of choosing the wrong thing. Which is something I've struggled with my entire life - of letting myself down, of letting others down. I tend to always choose the path of least resistance, the one that offers a favorable conclusion. It may not be the best choice, but its the one with the biggest payoff with the least risk involved.
But I'm vowing to yes to something now, because I'll never know if it was the right decision or not until I try it. In the end, I can be the one to reject it.
Thanks for the encouragement. Happy New Year!
no matter how much you promise yourself that that no is meaningless, its still going to hurt. you're still going to feel it. and so the challenge of life, one of the many challenges, is knowing when its worth risking feeling that no. because its going to hurt and its going to hurt bad. but if you never risk the pain of rejection you can never feel the joys of acceptance. you cant get one without the other.
and i think what you're saying is that its worth the possible pain more often then we think, more often then we actually go ahead and ask and risk.
we're all so afraid.
and while there's plenty to fear, there's so much more to face and conquer and live that its a crying shame to let that fear define and limit what could be into what never even stood a chance.
all of that to say
yes, yes.
you're exactly right.
but i have proven to myself that no isnt always disappointing.
if my first choice of high school didnt reject me, i wouldnt even consider going to a fast track school.. and look where i am now, 15 and in college :)
i am by nature a very shy person, and recently i have really tried to put myself out there more. and slowly i'm coming to see that what you say is true. the people that reject you, who don't believe in you aren't the ones that matter. it'll sting for a while, and you can let it happen, but then you just have to move on and try again. accepting rejection isn't giving in, it's triumphing. and i think my problem lately hasn't been so much fear of that rejection, but a feeling of insignificance in what i do. but i think i can shake that feeling by trying to excel and advance myself, in all aspects of life. i want to meet new people, have different experiences, and milk life for all it's worth. so i'm adopting your resolution. :-D thank you.
for the record, i write poetry, and now i'm thinking that maybe this is the year for me to send some out and try and get my voice heard. thanks for inspiring me. :-D
i get what you mean from this post. and its true; i am afraid of people saying no as a response and sometimes it hurts and puts me down.
therefore i decided to stay safe and not take the risk.
But since, i have started taking risks again. and going for things that i didnt know i could achieve.
However, what if the consequences comes worst? it would be a lesson learnt but reality hits back and then what.
i hope you find time to reply to this. i think i need more advise on this.
but thank you for the post. it has allowed me to think more about it.
We all get so comfortable with the lives we live that it is often painful or uncomfortable to step out of our own personal status quos. The great leaders in this world are they that have taken risks and stepped out of their normal and daily routines to accomplish something they see as valuable and great. I really believe that we all have the potential to achieve greater things in our lives...it's just whether or not we allow our dreams to become a reality or not. The only person that can hold you back is yourself.
Recently, I've been inspired to add a few additional goals to my list for this year... your post really gives me a boost of excitement to move forward with my plans. It is so incredible to recognize the true power you have over your own life and destiny! I am excited for the great things I'll accomplish this year! Bring on the NOs!!!! Eventually, the Yes will come! :-)
But the growth is worth all of the pain and then some, and the joy is invaluable.
i have a lot of wild ambitions, but am always told they're not going to happen! but do you know what, they can if i try, whats the harm in it, if i fail at least i can tell myself that AT LEAST i put in the effort AT LEAST i knew i tried.
Thanks for the insight, Stephen.
So, thank you for posting this, because I (like many others) really needed to hear it.
I think I'm really gonna be depending on this post of yours in the next week or so. As much of a standard-American-teenager dilemma as it might be, I've been really afraid to ask somebody to our school's upcoming formal dance, and I'd gotten to the point where I thought I might not ask anybody because I was so afraid of rejection, but I agree that it's better to risk a couple "no"s than to take no action. If worst comes to worst, I won't go and I'll have a couple of awkward classes, but it's bettering that just bottling that junk up.
Thanks for posting :) Have a wonderful New Year!
Sometimes it's harder when you're have a family and a house to pay, but although, don't be afraid and live the dream!!
Regards and have a nice year Christian,
Ronald.
i love that line quite reminded me this one ' poeple do not lack strenght, they lack will', 'no man's knowledge here can go beyond his experience'& 'deal with the faults of others as gently as with your own' but you put all of them in one line.
if you haven't seen it yet, i think you would enjoy it.
there's another quote from a basketball movie that i don't recall specifically, but it goes something like "you make 0% of the shots you never take; your odds go up astronomically if you actually shoot the ball."
thanks for sharing this.
"most people would rather be certain theyre miserable, than risk being happy."
this quote speaks more to the idea of certainty than misery. certainty is a safe zone and a comfortable place. that which is unknown is scary, thus it is rare that people venture far from what is known. because we have become so familiar with certainty, we are scared to step out of that little box, whether it is a state of misery of contentedness. especially in the case of misery, it is important to venture out, expand ones repertoire and familiarize oneself with that which is currently unknown.
lifes greatest pleasures are just out of ones direct reach; we need to work a little, risk a little, and reach a little higher to achieve these great pleasures.
that first step is the hardest, and after that all the rest seem to follow in place.
i am a strong believe that anything is possible if we believe in ourselves. we can break through that glass ceiling if we keep trying. our imagination is our limit and fear is strongest force of imprisonment in life.
That pretty much sums it up in simple black and white. But to me, it's not so much the "NO" that is paralyzing, but the prospect of...nothing. Not a "Yes" or a "No", but silence. What if that employer looks at my resume and says nothing? What if it wasn't even impressionable to comment AT ALL? What if that guy sees my number on his phone and doesn't even answer it? This, to me, (apathy or indifference) is even more discouraging than a 'no'. A no usually has an explantion to follow: "Because you're not qualified enough". So you brush up on your skills or improve them! "Because we have no openings at this time" So you apply at another time! No usually has a way to work around turning it into a 'yes'. :) But a 'nothing' is trickier. You can't force someone to respond. And I know these are all hypothetical 'what if' questions, but that's usually the root of all fear and halt in progress.
But thank you, Stephen. This is the most encouraging blog of yours, on a personal level, I've read. I will read this whenever I need an extra kick, be it within the next 13 days or 362 days...
Cheers to fulfillment of dreams and goals in 2009.
I actually haven't seen it, but thanks for posting this. There's something I've been contemplating in the back of my mind for a while. Whether or not I will pursue it or not needs more prayer (I have still yet to decide if it's something God wants me to do or if it's something I want to do-- something I also struggled with in the 08).
I never make new years resolutions, simply because I always thought that resolutions should be made all year round, but why keep from making a few at the start of the year? Thanks, Stephen, I'll definitely take this one into great thought.
Hau'oli makahiki hou!
love you and anberlin always!!
Aren't you so proud of him???
i think almost every person i've ever talked to in film school, los angeles, or about my company all laughs and says "it can't be done" or "in this economy this is the worst time to start something". i figure someone has to make it, why can't it be me. when the rest of the world is suffering and closing their eyes, is when the best opportunities arise for the rest of us who keep going to see, why not now? it's so nice to find someone who gets it.
reminds me of a quote i read once that said "art isn't about making mistakes, it's choosing which ones to keep"....we can always find something out of what seems like the worst at the time when really it is all part of the journey towards the passion
Unfortunately, my thoughts and comments in response to this post are confined to a hearty "Amen!"
This is actually one of my new years resolutions- be more confident, which i think fits right in with what you're saying. thanks for the encouragement! keep up the great work.
Never been so scared
when i finally gave up and decided to be myself i found that more people liked me and i had so many more friends than when i was trying to be someone i wasn't.
i still struggle with this some but i am getting much better at it.
thanks for posting this. it was a big encouragement! :)
*cristen
One step forward
Two steps back
It’s not the knowledge
It’s the faith I lack
Over and over it’s the same old thing
Since I can’t remember/Since I don’t know when
But I want to break free/ Save me from me
Shed this skin I’m in/Let it go, let new life begin
One Step forward
Two steps back
Those little doubts
Plan their sneak attack
Drawing battle lines again
False scenarios where I can’t win
War rages inside my mind
Afraid of what I might find
Will it be just like I’ve dreamed?
A nightmare where I can’t scream?
Standing at an open door
Hoping for something more
I’ll never know if I don't go
turn the key…and just go…... don’t say no
Two steps forward
No steps back
I'll send you news
From the front line
I'm also impressed with the lack of 'OMGSH ANBERLIN, DID U DROP DAT!' comments here. I'm surprised!
I'm also impressed with the lack of 'OMGSH ANBERLIN, DID U DROP DAT!' comments here. I'm surprised!
To often we wait around for God to open doors and windows instead of trying to run through the walls. Thats the point at which our faith is strongest.
although this comment will likely be lost in the mass of other various comments i will go ahead and put in my two cents...
i thought this was fantastic!
i have been reading your blog for over two years now. and you have inspired me more than i would ever have expected. you are truly one of my biggest role models. thank you for opening a part of yourself up to us so that we can see into the heart of a true thinking artist. i hope to meet you one day.
austin robb
(if you could possibly find time i would appreciate if you took a second to read some of my writings on here and give me some input on what you think. it would really mean alot. thanks!)
'What if there was no such thing as failure, what would you do?'
It's all about taking chances, putting forth the effort, just do it! You never know where you will end up. Have faith, rejection isn't the end of end all.
Just try it. If you don't get it, nothing is different now than it was before. Ask the girl out. If she says no, you're still without a girl, just like now. Apply for the job. If they say no, nothing has changed! You are still the same person. I am already not going to Harvard University, so if I apply and they reject me, who cares? I still won't be in Harvard!
This, applied at the wrong time, could be a bit of a downer, but I find it cheers me up when I'm thinking about doing something new and different. A friend of mine was worried about not passing a test, and I told her she already hasn't passed the test, so it would be no change. It helped her get over the anxiety of it and we could have a laugh instead.
This has a tendency to sound trite, and I don't mean it that way. But if it helps, use it, if not, throw it out and forget it. :)
Blessings, tmp.
But they shouldn't be resolutions, they should be goals. Cause goals you can fail and keep on trying. :)
"I used to feel so alone in the city. All those gazillions of people and then me, on the outside. Because how do you meet a new person? I was very stumped by this for many years. And then I realized, you just say, 'Hi.' They may ignore you. Or you may marry them. And that possibility is worth that one word."
-Augusten Burroughs
..i never thought i'd get in..
but i did. :]
and this post, well, i cant explain.
these words gave me the strong that i was needing to start this new year with full strenght.
rejection is one of my greatest fears, but 'no' is just a word. we dont have to fear a word.
thank you again for making me go on.
sorry for my bad english.
look forward seeing you soon,
tamara s.