finding your core.
i have read several business books throughout the years, for college, in college, and beyond. it is so funny how focused we are on obtaining ‘it’ ($) but have you ever stepped back to figure out why we as a people want it.
being ‘rich’ to me is far more than obtaining wealth, for me there are things equivalent or even greater than simply having financial freedom. what about health, happiness, joy, relationships, adventure. etc.
possessions are the great salve. they cover, but they are not responsible for the healing. it seems we have been trained by handsome women and pretty women in the advertising that everyone seems happier when they are holding a bottle of _________. so year after year we begin to accumulate, and after awhile they have bought themselves into poverty with their hurt and pain still following them every turn they make.
i think this is why there are so many men and women who have quarter/mid life crisis, and changing of jobs, and spouses. they are hurting children/teens that never quite healed the hurt through the proper anecdote of communication, counseling, forgiveness etc. and instead turned to the american dream thinking that it was also the american reconciler.
why do we focus on the superfluous (money) when its really the ‘core values’ that we are after. i’m sure with very little hesitancy we could all name ‘things’ we wanted right off the top of our head, (new car, appliance, clothes, cell phone, etc.) but i think it is going to take you longer to find what values you hold.
david bach wrote a book in which i am going to paraphrase a section, he believes in a life-planning process. so what were going to do is to create a ‘core value circle’. what i want you to do is to find the top 5 values that are most important to you, that ‘drives you in the decisions you make everyday.’ select the 5 values based on what your instincts tell you and not what looks good on paper. DO NOT confuse goals for values, ‘being rich would be a goal, but wanting security would be the value.’ write these five values in a circle on a piece of paper, in the middle write “my core values”.
(‘here are some words to help you identify some core values: security, freedom, happiness, peace of mind, fun, excitement, power, family, marriage, friends, making a difference, spirituality, independence, growth, creativity, adventure, fulfillment, confidence, balance, love, health…’)
why do we focus on the superfluous (money) when its really the ‘core values’ that we are after. i’m sure with very little hesitancy we could all name ‘things’ we wanted right off the top of our head, (new car, appliance, clothes, cell phone, etc.) but i think it is going to take you longer to find what values you hold.
from now on when you are making decisions with your time, money, energy, etc. just compare it to your new values. why are you buying a new jacket when what makes you happy is your value of ‘adventure’? go on a road trip, go get lost in the woods somewhere. why are you trying to salve your way through creativity? why are you medicating yourself through independence?
stick to your core.
being ‘rich’ to me is far more than obtaining wealth, for me there are things equivalent or even greater than simply having financial freedom. what about health, happiness, joy, relationships, adventure. etc.
possessions are the great salve. they cover, but they are not responsible for the healing. it seems we have been trained by handsome women and pretty women in the advertising that everyone seems happier when they are holding a bottle of _________. so year after year we begin to accumulate, and after awhile they have bought themselves into poverty with their hurt and pain still following them every turn they make.
i think this is why there are so many men and women who have quarter/mid life crisis, and changing of jobs, and spouses. they are hurting children/teens that never quite healed the hurt through the proper anecdote of communication, counseling, forgiveness etc. and instead turned to the american dream thinking that it was also the american reconciler.
why do we focus on the superfluous (money) when its really the ‘core values’ that we are after. i’m sure with very little hesitancy we could all name ‘things’ we wanted right off the top of our head, (new car, appliance, clothes, cell phone, etc.) but i think it is going to take you longer to find what values you hold.
david bach wrote a book in which i am going to paraphrase a section, he believes in a life-planning process. so what were going to do is to create a ‘core value circle’. what i want you to do is to find the top 5 values that are most important to you, that ‘drives you in the decisions you make everyday.’ select the 5 values based on what your instincts tell you and not what looks good on paper. DO NOT confuse goals for values, ‘being rich would be a goal, but wanting security would be the value.’ write these five values in a circle on a piece of paper, in the middle write “my core values”.
(‘here are some words to help you identify some core values: security, freedom, happiness, peace of mind, fun, excitement, power, family, marriage, friends, making a difference, spirituality, independence, growth, creativity, adventure, fulfillment, confidence, balance, love, health…’)
why do we focus on the superfluous (money) when its really the ‘core values’ that we are after. i’m sure with very little hesitancy we could all name ‘things’ we wanted right off the top of our head, (new car, appliance, clothes, cell phone, etc.) but i think it is going to take you longer to find what values you hold.
from now on when you are making decisions with your time, money, energy, etc. just compare it to your new values. why are you buying a new jacket when what makes you happy is your value of ‘adventure’? go on a road trip, go get lost in the woods somewhere. why are you trying to salve your way through creativity? why are you medicating yourself through independence?
stick to your core.
Comments
my 5 are:
love, friends, family (all three are the same to me, really), kindness, independence.
:)
@jonLovealone
who ever decided that small pieces of green paper were so valuable to the human existence? and how am i going to escape the engulfing trap of equating my identity with the numbers in my bank account?
core values. reasons to keep living. so very important and yet so easy to forget.
/rambling
But maybe 5 is about as much as we can handle, because I have read in another book them suggesting thinking of your 5 core values. The book is called 'Chazown' (The hebrew word for vision) by Craig Groeschell if anyone in interested.
I did very much enjoy the read, but also love to pick people brains!
Lately I've been spending more on others than myself, or I've been spending on myself in a way that involves me with others. Traveling to spend time with friends, buying tons of ingredients to make fun snacks with a 1st & 4th grader, random gifts for friends... all of that brings me MUCH more joy than when I buy things only I benefit from.
So that definitely points to Relationships & my Love for people as core values.
Also, speaking of the superfluous, I recently tore through my room and trashed or got rid of over half of my belongings, and the feeling of having less stuff is so freeing. Less distraction.
That in general, less distraction, is what can bring us closer to what we love. We'll feel less stressed about spending our precious time with what we love and hold dear instead of spending it on what only stretches us thin.
God Bless!
Raquel
Thank you Stephen for your blog!
Virtue, value #1 for me :)
I'm currently a journalism major, & I love it. Sure, there's potential to make a lot of money, but there's also a good chance I'll make enough to get by, & I'm completely okay with that.
My oldest cousin is going into pharmacy for the money, but the best example of all is a good friend of mine who would love, more than anything, to write but is instead going into the sciences for the money.
No idea what my 5 are. It's going to take a lot of thinking to narrow it down.
This is one of the many reasons why I love you and Anberlin. ♥
i think it was c.s lewis who said that we all have this sort of "void" and that we try and fill that void with material possessions and limited things...then he goes on and says that the only thing that can fill that void is the love of God...its true that a majority of people drive themselves into debt and poverty trying to somehow make use of themselves and try and find identity, self worth and gratitude in material things when the only thing that can give them their true identity is the Jesus.
Very well written, kudos! It's really neat to find people in our world that share similar views on life. Very few people express this perspective or even care about it. Your blog reminds me of the phrase stating that"it's not the quantity of life, it's the quality." I'm going to try the circle of values, it's a great exercise :)
Sincerely,
Jackie Gadea
"Man is free at the moment he wishes to be."
-Voltaire
Adam H
PS. Definitely gunna read your book!
thanks for this post [and your blog as a whole]. this is actually a confirmation of something i've been needing to hear lately. :) long story. will share sometime.
and @adamh:
you bring up a fascinating point! coincidentally, i've actually been thinking a lot lately about what you just said.
and i find [though i may be completely wrong] that we often confuse "happiness" with "joy." for example, buying that jacket and receiving that legitimate/and/or/false satisfaction and self-esteem from that jacket equals happiness. but seeing your father heal of cancer or something just as emotionally wrenching and "raw" equals joy.
we constantly hunt for instant gratification. what makes me happy right now. we dig into that amazing piece of steak and then two weeks later, we forget about it because we're enjoying a gourmet italian feast.
but when we experience joy--like a miracle healing--we climb back to those memories when we're at our darkest points and are able to relive them. joy transcends time.
i think "core values" speak more toward these joys that will last in our lives as opposed to actions that DO legitimately make us happy, but only momentarily. so powerful if we really let ourselves think about it!
imagine if we lived our lives completely focused on these joys even at the expensive of some of our "happiness." what would that look like? :) i'm still trying to find out..
*eugenia.
I have been wrestling with this for a while. You see I AM THE GIRL ON THE BOTTLE telling you that ________will make you feel better.
I am a national makeup artist for a huge cosmetic firm. I have to look a certain way...as perfect as possible. You come to see me and after you confide in me what you want "we" make an image to present to the world. I was happy in what I believed was "making a difference" in the lives of women and yes sometimes men.
As time moved on my sessions have been changed by corporate management to "strongly" suggesting you buy this or that to morph into the new you we have created....therein lays the conflict. Am I helping or hurting? Boosting confidence or selling the "American Dream"?
A. Hawkins: you bring up a very good point: "Can you blame people for flocking to this?"
Would you take an opportunity to have a "movie star" moment to see what you could look like out from under that bad haircut and wrong for you outfit? I have always taken the time to get to know a person and tweak the appointment to their God given beauty...bringing it out...never covering it up...it's always there... No cookie cutter trendy stuff. ALL faces are beautiful to me. I help you be the best YOU.
The huge smile at the end of the appointment is my payment. Often times, the shy person that arrived in the beginning changes to a new creature right before me, even walking out with changed attitude, posture and everything...it's exciting. The world is their oyster..and they are renewed...what could be wrong with that?
However: I would have to say that recently the job and my core values do NOT match up. The only thing they care about now is $$$. I am constantly being pushed to compromise my core values. To remedy this, I RESIGNED YESTERDAY. The pressure to sell as much as $10,000 in one day is ridiculous...I am sure I will be able to use my skills in a different way... On my own terms at my own fair price...but I can't SELL, {shove down your throat} thousands of dollars of the American Dream a day to benefit my own pocket any longer...Ta Ta... huge corporate monster...I will only miss the people I made smile :)
I believe that being "accepted" is what all this chasing the American Dream is about. If you change your core values you shift what "accepted" looks and feels like.
The chase is ON...what are you after?
Nicogirl
I like the part about how they are still just hurt teens and children. that's why I want to get better NOW instead of waiting until I hurt other people as an adult
1. Knowledge/wisdom
2. Self growth/awareness
3. Respect/esteem
4. Harmony/equality
5. Honesty/integrity
I can't say I've ever sought after riches as a life goal, and I guess it shows because I certainly don't have them. I also don't have a lot of modern gadgets and plush 'toys' (and I don't mean stuffed animals :). I actually rarely have guests over because if I'm not content here, I don't expect anyone else to be. Now that I'm getting older, I can't help but have the goal of being able to provide better for my family and kids, assuming I have them before it's too late. I'd want to raise children in a house and an environment where their health, safety and security are at least in tact. Just something I've been thinking ahead to..
Seriously, though, apathy seems to be the drug of choice to block out the various disappointments in life. Shopping has become the only way to feel some emotion without the smallest chance of emotional risk. Unfortunately, they only discover later what that new phone or handbag costs, not just in financial terms but in emotional as well.
I'm glad that you started this blog. It's refreshing to see someone doing the right thing without it being a contractual clause..