I feel lost sometimes, as if the world is going on around me and im watching it from afar. I want to go back and push pause on the videotape of my life at age 12. when the most we had to worry about was what time mom would call us in, and NOT money, fame, power, greed, sex, politics, or religion. life was carefree. a cardboard box could be a plane, boat, or spaceship. now a cardboard box is used as something to pack past memories in or just another convenient trash receptacle. my brother was my best friend ever, and now we struggle to speak once every other week. he has a child, who will one day love cardboard boxes im sure.

someone asked me today my thoughts of what heaven is going to be like, and I went into some pseudo-religious, quasi-intelligent, brilliantly-shallow, explanation on the going-ons of the life after.... but in retrospect I wish I would have said I want heaven to be nothing more than life as an eternal 12 year old, with a never ending supply of refrigerator boxes, and my brother paul.

Comments

Gabrielle said…
I feel the exact same way. I don't feel like I belong here....
~ELLE~
- said…
I know this post is way old but I was reading back and this really hit home for me. I remember these days. Life changes around us so quickly and we dont realize it has passed us by until years later when we look back and realize that maybe we were so young and carefree that we did not have the power to realize these days were the best days of our existence. I too have a brother who now lives a much different life...one i never talk to because life took us different places. I long for those days. Life is so rushed... so commercialized so stereotypical... I recently watched a movie about a guy who had amnesia (a documentary) they say he saw the world through a child's mind with adult eyes. can you imagine... everything to you seems like when you were a child but you have a different respect for it... he relived his life without knowledge of life's stereotypes, without greed... without all these hateful things humans are taught. How blissful...... perfect....
Latrina said…
That was really beautiful and I can certainly relate. 12 years old and carefree. <3 I remember those card board boxes, I would draw roads, streetlights and little buildings where my sister and I would play "cars" on it. :) Those were the good ole days. I actually wrote a story @ college about being 12ish and the fun of cardboard boxes and such, the teacher loved it. :)
Story of a Girl said…
I love your transparency, very genuine. Thank you for all you share with your bloggers =)
flanna4595 said…
Perhaps heaven is exactly that...

But Jesus said, “Let the little children come to Me, and do not forbid them; for of such is the kingdom of heaven.” mt. 19:14

-Leigh Anna

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