please excuse the sudden urge to ramble. but its instant gratification.
time moves on and so my feelings for anyone else fade, like sinatra. like a memory you
forget until someone brings it up, like someone who lived and died 20 years ago with no fame.
we all die the same, we are all born the same so what is fame? what is money? what is a promising future?
what is this we call life. a dramatic interlude into the next life... i love it though, i cant lie. i go to sleep at night
in anticipation for the sun to rise again, for the day to be broken, for new experiences to collaborate upon me.
and now i have someone to share them with, but in all reality i have had someone to share them with.
how easily we overlook our own family when calculating how lonely we truly are.
i look at my youngest brother and realize that the state of mind that he is currently in reminds me of myself at his age.
oh how i don't want to depress him any further by telling him the truth that no one ever has everything figured out and in the end we know as little as we did in the beginning. we know nothing for sure, for if you do then tell me your experience of heaven. tell me your experience of being truly free. for in the beginning i was free, and how to return to that when i pass on. i sit here in a coffee shop in dallas texas, faces our new but situation remains the same. the man offering the coffee has complained that he wished he had never fallen in love if he knew beforehand it was going to hurt this awfully bad. and i to question love. i will be the first to admit that i entertained a women because i just needed someone there to fulfill a void i myself could not find in solitude. i pray that no one ever does that to me though. i wonder now why we always look to something we cant have as if that will give us the happiness we desire. a car, a computer, a new spouse. and whomever said the words " the grass is always greener on the other side" quite possibly could have been the most intelligent man/women to ever walk this earth. if God came to me and proposed the same proposition to solomon and asked "name one thing, anything, and i will give it to you" i know that wealth would not be a possibility. i interject that solomon was already wise when he asked for wisdom, because only a wise man knows he is a fool. it is the fool that thinks he is wise. i think as my wish i would wish for 5 more wishes like most children would, but of course he is God and im sure has a legal staff of utter magnificence and in the end i would only get one. but if he did grant me one i would either astonishment or contentment, both of which i understand i am a fool at. new pet peeve... when people talk about themselves all the time!!! i don't understand it! someone once told me that wise people ask questions but the fool expounds upon themselves. acutally i just made that up, but prefaced it with someone once told me... in case it sounded foolish. the word "I" must come up a million times with this certain gentlemen. annoying. but i am learning about him, against my will, but whatever. i would like to do a psychological study on him and find out if his parents and/or family paid him to little attention or to much attention as a child. nurture vs. nature. well im sure he will tell me one way or another, in time.


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