Wednesday, November 24, 2004

invitation to the walking corpse

'An Invitation to a Beloved Walking Corpse:

I see past your falsehood and through your royal
cloak. My eyes behold your bilious state. I have
seen the fires of hell illuminate your face, and
still I am not afraid. You seek to steal the
skins of others, but I tell you your own can be
restored. Let me breathe life into your withered
flesh. I am air to your lungs, and a flow of
fresh blood to your quiet heart. I call you out
from the grave. Oh, to live again. To let the sun
warm your icy skin and the gentle wind remind you
God is near. To see with eyes unglazed by the
lie, to run, with life, with joy. There was a
dead man walking. The death march is over. I long
to quicken your mortal body. I will sing to you a
requiem for death, when you defeat it. The crown
of life is yours, and it shines. I will wash your
scarf colored red with blood. It is then you will
stand on a mountain. I will raise your lowly
hill, outside of vanity, outside of disillusion.
This is you, my prince. Stare off into the sunset
I have given you.

Success is a four letter word, indeed.'

j,
if you wrote this im truly impressed and greatful. thank you
for being understanding, and a loyal friend.
ihg,
stephen

on love

"The Reality

The reality is, we are all liars. And if you think that you are not, then
you are lying to yourself. There is no stopping life's continuum. Whether
you want to or not, you are continually changing and evolving as an
individual. Therefore it is impossible to be the same person you were a
month ago. Circumstances, people, God, tragedy and triumph all contribute
to our daily understanding of life. For the lenses we peered through
yesterday are not the same as today's nor the ones we will look through
tomorrow.

But for some reason each day we convince ourselves that we know what is
true. So in all sincerity, you speak words of significance. And you
believe whole heartedly that you are speaking words of truth. But then
something happens. Darkness begins to cloud your confidence and confusion
replaces your days' clarity. The words you spoke were true, but they are no
longer.

His name was Shane. His lie, "I love you."
He truly did love me, but not my theology.
So he said goodbye and I'm left screaming
inside, "F*** theology!"'

~Marie


my favorite line is "For the lenses we peered through
yesterday are not the same as today's nor the ones we will look through
tomorrow."

i dont think he lied, maybe in the moment he really felt that he loved you. but i believe the english language has to many uses for the word love. hence womens use of "i love that outfit." or anyones 'i love that CD' or 'i love you'. i believe if he could have used the appropriate words he would have said "i am infatuated with you at this moment." and for that moment he didnt want to be anywhere else with anyone else. that would not have been the lie. the problem comes not in the usage of words but the interpetation of communication. his 'i love you' and your thinking of what "i love you' means were on 2 different levels. i am guilty of this also. i think we all are. we need to say what we mean and not neccesarily say what we feel.
-esteban






Sunday, November 21, 2004

Home comments,

thanks guys, it was to good to leave alone.

we were made to wander, estaban. the earthly find homes with whomever their hearts lie, wherever that may be, but it's fleeting. we have no homes here -- they're being built as we speak.

4:23 PM
Anonymous said...
yeah...i agree with the previous comment,but I have to add that I've had some of those same thoughts myself--having to move twice a year in college into all different res halls and houses. i cried the summer after i graduated b/c i just wanted to settle in somewhere. I just wanted roots. I don't at all mind traveling the world and i'm going to, but i think I wanted roots. I think thats what we want. All the stuff that I own--I could take it or leave it. Its not about material things and wanting a house or someplace cool to live. Its about wanting to find a place to rest. I have found that rest as I lay my head on the chest of my savior. However, he gave me a place to lay my head here, too. I have friends who rent from me and I can come and go as I please. Maybe you should buy a place that has three or four apartments in it and you can live in one of them. Then whoever rents from you can pay for your mortgage and you can come and go as you please. You'll still have a place, but you won't feel like its a waste to have a place if you're not there all the time b/c you'll be helping other people and they'll be helping you (financially). It's a good investment anyway! ;-) I'm glad you're feeling the way you feel. I think that means you're about to find what you're looking for. By the way, I'm not trying to simplify this longing for rest by saying the answer is to buy a house. That is only a physical place to rest! Human longings go deeper than that.
When I bought the house, then I cried b/c I realized I was buying a house alone! Relationships are also a place where we can lay our head and rest. No pretending. No having to put on an act. Just a place to settle in and rest. Which leads us back to commenter #1's good point. Ultimately we find our comfort and rest in Christ. The longing for home and a place to rest and completely be ourselves is a manifestation of a greater need. :-) ~SW

Tuesday, November 16, 2004

what is this concept called "home"?

what is the concept of home, for me i found it fleeting. living a life on the road has left me wanting for a place of my very own. i dont have room or space to call my own.
"we wanderers, ever seeking the lonlier way, begin no day where we have ended another day; and no sunrise finds us where sunset left us."
-kahlil gibran
the prophet
in the movie the garden state i enjoyed the conversation in the pool because i felt there was some sense of truth about it. the fact is maybe we are searching out someone else to create the sense of home we so long for from our youth. why do we try so hard to grow up only to grow up and desire the responsibility (or lack there of) when we were adolecents.
life, like love, is a constant contridiction.

maybe that is why people stay in their hometowns. its not a crab hole like we had once presumed, people move back not because they feel that they can do no better, but because they are trying to regain something that is forever lost.
a sense of home.

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

why did the young vote not come out? answer below

in an article on msnbc (http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6395182/?GT1=58090) and all over television the night of november 2nd they were debating the fact that the young vote did not come out as many had anticipated, being that 10% of people coming out to vote were first time voters, the same number that came out in 2000.
all these bandwagons against bush such as; rock against bush, punk voter, rolling stone magizine, nofx, vote or die, mtv (the most biased of them all), and others couldnt stop bush from becoming president, and im sure today they are wonderng why.
i have the answer.
if you look at the target audience of mtv (12-15 year old girls), rock against bush (13-17 year olds), punk voter (13-18), etc you see a startling fact that the vast majority of the audience that buys/watches their products/programing is under tha age of 18 and can not vote!!!
so next time fat mike of nofx wants to start a rally and rock against anything he might want to try and target some other people besides Mrs. Osbournes 7th grade history class.

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

we the walking corpses all dressed in our black tuxedos
and silk ties
who we really are veiled in falsehood.
no one is honest
no one is true
let me unveil who i am so others may learn

i am a walking corpse
look at my mantel of purple attemting to convince you i am royalty.
i am no king but on the contrary a man servant who stole hears and this cloak.
i seek skin like riches so i can feel better about my own corpse.
in self seeking i stumbled upon this crown.
i deserve death but instead found this psuedo life laying in a gutter ordained in these fine clothes.
all an illusion of someone that is not me.
see this halo?
i stole it.
see this glow about my face?
it is the fire of hell behind me thta makes my apperance so bright.
oh the red scarf around my neck, it is beautiful i agree. but it was white until i dipped it into the blood of those i had to crush to get to this hill i have convinced you is a mountian. success is a four letter word, validity is a self serving lie. oh granjure of fame is evasive and is like cigaretts; addicitive, corosive, and in the end will kill you in some capacity. i wish to take off these garmets of self-adoration, but i realize now the only way to come back to life is to reveal the corpse i truly am.