true love is the only just and holy war.
carl jung once said "when there is love there is no power. when there is power there is no love." i find that to be my favorite quote by mr jung to date. what i think he is trying to say is that when love is present we are inclined to do what is best for that other person, our motives and self centered behavior is soon replaced by the life pursuits of another entity, another human being. we have no power because we want no power. we choose to remain helpless to our own internal motives, we lower our defenses, we surrender our individuality for the greater good of the unity between two organisms.
the opposite "when there is power there is no love," is also true. when one of the two beings in a relationship began to be in complete dominance of the other i believe something is amiss, now please don't confuse leadership with dominance. just because one of the parties in a relationship leads the relationship does not mean that he/she ('she' because in some cultures such as the indigenous alaskan tribes the female leads the community) is overpowering or overbearing. in fact correct leadership makes decisions based on what is best for my family/community/tribe and NOT what is the best decision for me. when there is an lob sided overpowering in a relationship, than the formidable force does not relinquish any judgement or decisions to the subjecting power, in this way physical, mental, verbal abuse usually follows to establish cave-man like dominance. when this occurs i believe, much like jung was insinuating, there is no love.
dr. keen, a notable journalist for psychology today once said, "authentic love is a dance with three movements: solo, counterpoint, and coming together. leave any one of the three movements out and you destroy the dance. in a love relationship, people stand alone and apart from one another, enter into respectful struggle with each other and rejoice in their interdependence. in love, "no" is married to "yes", elemental forces like flint and steel meeting but not mixing; an encounter in which i and though stand firm."
solo- i believe that there needs to be a point to finding oneself, a journey in solitude, away from ones family and friends where a boy becomes a man, a girl into a women. i think too many times girls never become women because they never leave the shelter of their father and instantly assimilate into the shelter of a husband, meanwhile never learning what it is like to live on their own under the shadows of responsibility, financial decisions, and most importantly their own individual passions. how is anyone going to make someone else happy until they themselves know what makes them happy? why do we pursue a lifetime commitment without knowing what they themselves want to accomplish in this lifetime? the Bible says "seek and you will find." in light of that there needs to be a time of seeking before one can inevitably find someone to spend the rest of their days with; and by seeking i do NOT mean seeking out someone to be in a relationship with, but seeking life on your own. in lamens terms (& like i have said before) do not look for mr. right until you have completelty devoloped mrs. right. in the same fashion do not pursue mrs. right until you have developed mr. right.
counterpoint: finding love involves a point of adaptability, cohesiveness and compatibility. but no matter how much a person is opposite or alike there is always going to be some type of friction in a relationship. no relationship is going to be perfect, even the most fairy tale of sweeping romances will one day have the "its your turn to take out the garbage," or "i told you you were going the wrong way," discussion at some point or another. but that is not the moment when one should give up, just because you argue does not mean that they are not the ones for you, or that you were not meant to be. a great book for newly engaged, lovers, or the married is "the 5 love languages" by gary chapman. i think it goes into great detail as to where and how one views love, and the importance they place on different attempts at affection.
coming together: this happens only after you have realized the positive and the negative in the relationship, only after the moment (much like in the motion picture 'eternal sunshine for the spotless mind') when you say "OK" to each other's faults and accept them for who they are. good and bad, rich or poor, till death do you part. commitment. a vow before heaven and earth. but what an amazing experience, when you not only feel love, but decide to love the other person completely, and for ever. that is coming together.
and when the sun set's and the warriors return with their swords sheathed to their camp to rest, we look back at this battlefield in all its glory, all the bloodshed, and the dried tears, realizing only then that true love is the only just and holy war worth fighting.