abstain from regret's

            I hope I'm not intruding by writing this email, but after reading your post for September 8 I decided I was going to write you on this. This is something that has been on my mind for quite some time now. Well in the religion of Christianity, you are not supposed to believe in premarital sex, and I am brought up to be Christian and it is everything I believe in. I admit I have not taken the time to read the bible. I do not understand it. Since I am young, it’s hard to understand. But what I am trying to get at is I don’t understand how premarital sex is bad as long as you are in love with your partner and he/she loves you back. Being at my age, you get so much pressure to do things that you are not ready for. People will call you a “prude” and if you are a “prude” a lot of people will not like you. And the bad thing is, I AM what people call “a prude” because I have not really done anything. Sometimes I feel ok about that and other times I feel like there is something wrong with me. Honestly, I hate how the world is today because of things like that. It’s what our world has become and I think it’s bad. The thought on how premarital sex is a sin is what kept me awake last night. I can’t get it out of my mind because I was never planning on waiting until I was married, I was planning on waiting until I found the right person, married or not. Sometimes I wonder if these thoughts make me a bad person, and I know I'm probably a bit young to be worrying about stuff like this but I really can’t get it off my mind. It may be the pressure from other teens. I thought I didn’t really care what other people think, but I think everybody does at some point. It’s really hard to understand for me. I tried talking to my mom about it and she tells me “well people do it everyday” (sex before marriage). I have no idea why this bugs me so much but I really need to get it off my chest and you seems like maybe you could help, considering you wrote the song “Ready Fuels”.'
-the innocent

dear innocent,
bulls***. people who tell you that you need to have sex, or everyone is having sex, are full of s***. alcoholics buy you a drink so they themselves don’t feel guilty about drinking by themselves, and justify it by saying to themself’s ‘well they had just as many as i.’
in the same way, to those who have had casual sex with multiple partners feel that they need to convince you that everyone is doing so their conscience does not haunt them day and night.
SEX IS NOT BAD!!! who ever told you that came from parents who had sex. and thoughts of having sex are completely human and natural. you are not a bad person for wanting sex. it is human, and (scientifically speaking) your genetics are made up so you can pass your genes on to a new generation, thus making sure your species survive.
sex is sacred, though it gets marred each and every day by those who cannot control themselves enough to wait for a committed relationship, beyond just a boyfriend/girlfriend.
simply put... WAIT. it is not worth experiencing this spiritual ritual because some one in high school pressures you into it. you can’t regret what you do not experience. the people you know in your school you will not know in 10 years. so why try so hard to impress someone you don’t care about and who doesn’t care about you!
regret will haunt you, but keeping your virginity is something to be proud of. and this reaches far beyond the bounds of religion. sex is supposed to special, something between you and the person you love. well after eight or nine partners how special is it? what set’s you apart from the other people that the other person has slept with?
there is no harm in waiting. in fact it will make sex that much more amazing when you find the person you want to spend the rest of you life with.
but for those of you who have had sex, having sex doesn’t make you a bad person. don’t be discouraged. you have has much worth today as you did the day before. you are still beautiful and worthwhile. don’t give yourself away just because you think you can’t sink much lower. don’t let yourself tell you that your aren’t valuable. don’t let yourself go just because you have had the experience before. reconsider starting over and abstaining until you know there is a vow in place. don’t be nieve to the fact that men want sex and women want to know they are wanted. men go to great lengths to achieve this pleasure and women go to great lengths to show men that they are willing. find value in yourself and hesitate from giving over what is rightfully yours in the first place.
people will respect you for not giving into the pressure that surrounds you whether they say it out loud or not. not everyone is doing it.
you are beautiful and worthwhile, do yourself a favor and wait.

post script. i'd rather be a 'prude' with no heartache's ; than experineced and ridden with anguish and regret.


Anonymous said…
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Anonymous said…
as a 20-year old college student and virgin i completely relate to the person who wrote the e-mail. I've been there too and I'm so thankful that God has surrounded me with people who know that sex is sacred for a reason. also - thanks stephen for saying what you said the way you said it. you have no idea how great it is to hear a guy say that. a lot of times we girls talk to each other about how we should save ourselves so to have a guy say it too is really encouraging. see you next week in boston!
Morgan said…
Stephen, I'm a sophomore in college, and I've had preachers and youth ministers and campus crusade leaders and numerous others try to throw reasons at me why sex should be sacred. For some reason or another, none of them really seemed like a valid reason until you just stated it the way you did. You really are an inspiration. Thanks.
Anonymous said…
Encouraging words on a matter so close to everyones heart. You make a stand for very guy with sexual morals...
Stay special stephen
Anonymous said…
I can relate to how K feels. Sex is becomming a normal thing in my school (a highschool). People i never thought being sexually active have come out with their secrets and acted like it was no big deal.

I dont understand why sex is so popular. Why do people not have good moral value anymore? Why do students of all ages insist on drinking alcohlic bevarages to the point of being drunk, or in my school it being underage. Why do people choose to smoke, underage or not, its harmful to your body. Both marijuana and cigerretes.

and Sex! i just dont get it. I can honestly say my temptation for Drugs and Alcohol have never been big. Sex, as with most people, is a big temptation. But i am willing to wait for that special girl. Not just anyone.

I just dont understand why students in highschool and college alike just dont have a good moral value! its confusing, and at times hurtful to myself. Just bringing me down by just thinking that i can't do anything to help those in need!
servant said…
People with no understanding of anything higher than themselves, of no true purpose for existence, find their highest value in the fulfilment of their own desires... it is a self perpetuating downward spiral. This is why people sell themselves short in the area of sex.

It is only when we recognise the influence of the divine throughout creation and find purpose through that, do we start to see the true value of who we are and live for something greater than our own desires.

If our self is all there is in our minds, we will destroy ourselves by trying to please ourselves.
Anonymous said…
Stephen, thank you so much. Everything I wanted to hear... right there in that reply. It's great to hear you say that and helped A LOT! Thank you so much!
Jessica said…
amazing, thoughtful and full of compassion. thanks for your heart to encourage others.
Tracy said…
Hey Stephen!
I ran across this site as a link from another site. I greatly appreciate your honesty and openness and your strive to be genuine. Your site is thought- provoking and inspiring.
Like many of those who commented, I am a college student. If the person who wrote this e-mail thinks high school is bad, the temptation in college only gets worse. It is completely possible though, like you said, to abstain from premarital sex. Several friends of mine recently got married and had waited until marriage to have sex and were richly blessed because of it.
Thanks for advocating such an important cause and for the encouragement! Keep it up!
thanks so much for not being quite. for letting us hear in confidence your strong beliefs on sex. its huge in our hearts and to actually hear it from a guy...it does mean so much to us girls; it gives us more than encouragement.
Janelle said…
Thank you for that. It was extremely encouraging.
luke said…
Stephen, after you said the s-word twice in one sentence, I had no desire to look at the rest of your response. THat's not a very Christian thing to do, swearing like that.
Anonymous said…
Not wanting to start an arguement on Stephen's page or anything... but who cares if he swears?? I mean we are human and he (in my opinion) is just acting normal. Don't tell me you never have said a cuss word. Come on just because we are christian doesn't mean we don't cuss. A lot of people cuss and a lot are Christians, it's just part of life. Get over it!
esteban said…
(and the other "christian's" who have wrote me about my use of a slang word in the english dictionary...)
are you more concerned about me cussing than about me helping someone
maintain their innocence and virginity until marriage?
religion has you by the throat.
legalism kills.
grace saves.
if you are a christian than i am not sorry that i offended you for
both of us are going to heaven. my job is to help the brokenhearted. not you.
i will have to stand in front of God and take account of everything i say.
i have an audience of one.
you are not that one.
and as far as the "christian thing to do" can i please see the list or where i can find a handbook on "swell thing's you can do as a Christian." because i would love to see this 'rulebook' you speak of.
Nick S. said…
I enjoyed this post enormously. While I, personally, think somewhat more liberally than you, I do find your argument intelligent and compelling.

It is important, though, to re-emphasize the fact that sex is not bad. It's much more useful to think of it as difficult to handle. It requires a high level of maturity and commitment in a relationship.

I understand that your religious ideals proscribe sex outside of a marraige relationship, but saying "no sex before marraige" can foster negative attitudes towards sex in general. Better, then, to say that sex is best had with a committed partner whose relationship to you will help support you through an emotionally powerful activity.

And don't let the anti-swearing activists get you down. ;-)

Peace out.
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Anonymous said…
i have been a big fan of yours but after seeing you swear twice in that post it greatly changed my view on you and the band
my freinds swear all the time and i have gotten used to it
i don't think it was right of you to post that post with swears in it
you could easily have deleted those words and save your image
Anonymous said…
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Anonymous said…
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Anonymous said…
Once again with the swearing. EVERYONE SWEARS. We are human. If swear words offend you so much then... ha well you better get used to them because they are all over the place. They are on blogs and are constantly coming out of people's mouths. Perhaps Stephen kept the swear words on that post to make us more comfortable... as in just being a normal person. He feels strongly about it so he cussed. We are human and people do it. Get over it already PLEASE!!!
luke said…
It wouldn't have mattered, but since Stephen is a believer (at least I think he is), that is kind of a concern. If this was a non-believer saying this, there would be no discussion on this at all.

But other than that, I thought what he had to say was good.
I know this was written LOOOOONG ago but I just had to post something...

Quite frankly...

Who the H-E-double hockey sticks cares about the stupid s-word? I'm a strong believer and I know many friends of mine who are, but if I said that I never cussed it would be a lie. And if it's on the blog, well, God sees it either way, so whenever any of you judgemental people are cursing up a storm when nobody is around, remember that. Not saying that it's a good thing to do, but for pete's sake, stop making a big deal over a little thing people. It's not what you say, but it's how you live. And speaking of that...
I don't give two craps about that because Stephen is doing what 99% of males will NOT do...tell a girl to wait for her future husband. Lots of "Christian" men I know, pardon my language, but they don't have the balls to say what Stephen just said.
Stephen, you are the real deal, and there should be more people with your frankness and strong convictions. While nobody is perfect, you are an inspiration, flaws and all.

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