Saturday, August 27, 2005


Beauty is not only a terrible thing,
it is also a mysterious thing.
There God and the Devil strive for mastery,
and the battleground is the heart of men.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

it is time to finally wake the dead,
though sleepers rest in guilty bed's.
with eyes awake they fall asleep,
their hearts doth toil, avoiding passions ill defeat.

what's become of this called modesty?
who killed what they thought they could not keep?
as if love bought into could not be sold,
we burn the book's before the stories unfold.

who burdened this thing to the daughter's of eve,
to pursue such things that one can not see?
for long hard years their lives revolve,
like a minor chord which seems nor to resolve.

i must admit i am as guilty as they,
to this matter i have been a hard working slave.
for in the beginning it is as a dear friend,
but strike's like slow moving venom quite near the end.

wake o sleeper from shallow of graves,
though you part the memories will remain.
try as you will for you shall never escape,
love in its splendor;
and death in it's heartbreak.


the orphaned anything's

"when walking downtown here this evening, i intermittently look around at all these people with their armani suits, and the women with there channel handbags and matching scarves and wonder why they were so lucky to be born with everything figured out. they just look like they know what they are doing. if they have any insecurities at all it has been masked by there flawless makeup smiles and grappling, prestigious, and manly hand shakes. how do they get their teeth so white, how did they get success as a genetic predisposition, have they read some timeworn text that i have not yet ascertained? did they figure out who moved the cheese and why and did they get it back?
they look so... found.
and i feel so...opposite.
does money make one gratified? have i missed my calling? we have all heard the saying that money doesn't make a person happy but @ this point in life i have no money and i am not totally willing to try the whole rich thing. i could be guineane pig to prove or disprove the previous theory.
at times i believe that if i don'’t get enough zeros behind my bank account statement that my family, this society, our populace, and that girl in the lingerie advertising will never be pleased with my life. why is money the mark of success? when did passion and desire become replaced with economic and financial wisdom as the chief character trait desired in a potential life companion? will my spouse never feel secure if i do not obtain? hence and therefore eliminating possibilities of a nostalgic future, with a memory laden past.
the america's are consumed with consuming!
will i never afford a car that goes 0 to 60 in whatever numbers the fastest? will i never have a white picket fence? will my 2.5 kids hate me for raising them in a home wherreverieveire love and loyalty over stocks and bonds?
my reassurancerance in all this is my confusing self inflicted lie that i am a nonconformist, and money would never make me satisfied. i wear my hair like a mop, i wear these clothes because your not, i sell- you bought in. i know who che is, my shoes don't color coordinate with my shirt, on purpose. i have read the communist manifesto, and wrote in the margin's, i don't pay taxes. voluntarily.

i am a nonconformist, just like everyone else. "
-ayden kosacov
the orphaned anythings

so, as a couple of you know i have been writing a book, the orphaned anythings, for about 10 months now. the ending is killing me or i would have let you read it by now. this was a little excerpt. ill tell you more as the story gets closer to getting done.
cheers for now,

Sunday, August 14, 2005


start a journal. stop smoking for good. write the screen play you promised yourself you would always write. take singing lessons, please. lose 10 pounds. gain 10 pounds in muscle. listen to a new type of music. read about another religion. book that ticket. don’’t call your x. stop looking for mr. right. start becoming mrs. right. start painting, start with your room. take a black and white photo. walk don’t drive next time. look around while walking.start a journal. try a different drink next time, it might be your new favorite. give the homeless man more than your money, give him a conversation. see something beautiful in chaos. see something beautiful in yourself. see something beautiful in both at the same time. call your family, yes all of them. enjoy the sunshine, even though your sweating. write a mission statement. write 10 places you want to see before you die. go to 20. talk to yourself. talk to God. really talk to someone you have never talked to before, even if youv’e had conversation with them. read a book longer than 100 pages. finish college. watch a foreign film with subtitles. do sit-ups. do a pushup, more if you can. visit a nursing home. play bingo. listen to a story. learn from the past. look to the future. go to a museum. forgive yourself. make sure your halo’s not on to tight. find somewhere to volunteer. start a journal. listen to john coltrane’s record “a love supreme.’ try not eating meat for a day. write your grandparents a letter. find a cause. believe in it. fight for it. live for it. share the knowledge. tell her how you really feel. learn something new about yourself. take a chance. realize you are only human. you are going to fail. realize that life doesn’t always work out the way you thought. life is tough, life can be a challenge, life hurts. but it gets better, learn from your failure, learn and apply/ succeed. life has a way of working itself out. life can be an accomplishment. life is good... life is good.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

lets find out if this world is endless...

"I would rather live in a world where my life is surrounded by mystery than live in a world so small that my mind could comprehend it."
‚ Henry Emerson Fosdick

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

my friend josh tillman is also one of the most refreshing musicians i have ever had the pleasure of listening to. i think when you hear him you will agree.

you can listen and order his new CD from his site
do yourself a huge favor and check his stuff out.

Please help. Give. be broken.

Please get involved.
this dear women has given her life to help orphans in Tanzania. She would love anyone to volunteer and go to Tanzania to help. If you cannot take the time off please send your prayers or thoughts. @ very minimum please email her and tell her thanks for making a difference in this world. Her email address is:
this is a letter she wrote me updating me on her life. Just read her heart below.

Hello Stephen,
Greetings from Moshi in Tanzania on a very hot day! Thank you so much for your word of encouragement, the team appreciates it very much, when their work is recognized... My family and I serve freely, and we try to answer every desperate cry for help... As you will have probably seen on our mission statement, we do not ask for any funding - although - sometimes our need is great, we just wait for hearts to be inspired to send us a donation so we can help more children and more of the unsupported people in the bush..... Each week, we are seeing more and more street children, whose parents have died of the Aids virus, coming to us for assistance. Last week we served over 200 street children at our Boma Kids Club with food, each week more of these poor desperate 'precious' children are turning to Light in Africa to help them..... If you would like to join us in our work, we would welcome your participation. Only when volunteers arrive with funding, can we do so much more to help. At present we have two teams of medical students from the UK who are completing the dispensary that they started to build last year, and they are also helping the medical team with our out reach program's in to the remote areas to assist the orphans and the elderly with medical care - some of whom would certainly die without our intervention... So funding for medicines is always needed Stephen, let me know if you would like any further information, we recommend Shafiq at Emslies if you require a quotation for travel as he specializes in student and missionary tickets, just give him an email and tell him you are considering volunteering for LIA... OK darling, hope to hear from you again...
mama lynn

for more information on her orphanage check out
i hope it broke you as it continually does me.

dont go back to sleep

The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell you.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill where two worlds touch. The round door is open.
Don't go back to sleep.
-Djalal ad Din Rumi

Monday, August 08, 2005

ok 2 different people told me about and it is now my favorite site on the web!
people send in postcards that mirror their darkest secret, and announce it to the world anonymously.
i think a lot of things i can see in myself. and i think i love it so much because i almost feel normal.

Friday, August 05, 2005

stephen christian
brisban, australia
the paper girl

a site that reflects my thought pattern

it is just random things found across the world
know any other random sites?

no one alive will ever see this again.mars. august 27. 05

from: astronomy magazine.

The Red Planet is about to be spectacular! This month and next, Earth is catching up with Mars in an encounter that will culminate in the closest approach between the two planets in recorded history. The next time Mars may come this close is in 2287.

Due to the way Jupiter's gravity tugs on Mars and perturbs its orbit, astronomers can only be certain that Mars has not come this close to Earth in the last 5,000 years, but it may be as long as 60,000 years before it happens again.

The encounter will culminate on August 27th when Mars comes to within 34,649,589 miles of Earth and will be (next to the moon) the brightest object in the night sky. Mars will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. Mars will be easy to spot. At the beginning of August it will rise in the east at 10p.m. and reach its azimuth at about 3 a.m. By the end of August when the two planets are closest, Mars will
rise at nightfall and reach its highest point in the sky at 12:30a.m.

That's pretty convenient to see something that no human being has seen in recorded history. So, mark your calendar at the beginning of August to see Mars grow progressively brighter and brighter throughout the month.

Share this with everyone. (No one alive today will ever view this again)

Thursday, August 04, 2005

money & the elusive sleep

well its 3:30am and i cant seem to feel tired. jet leg set in, and i guess i have no reason to feel tired since i slept in till 5pm.
the topic of money is so, well im ignorant to the facts of money. me talking about it is like me trying to tell a person how to maintain a marriage. i have never been in a marriage so i couldn't tell you, and i have never had money so i don't really know what it feels like. what i can tell you is that while i have no financial merit i do consider myself very wealthy. i have a beautiful life, wonderful friends, and gas enough to get the local coffee shop. one of my closest friends, however, has a lot of money, but they are more concerned about hoarding it then they are about spending it. i think life is all about making memories, not getting a rush from a once a month bank statement. i read somewhere that while americans are rich in money they are poor on time, and just coming back from australia i saw it for myself. in australia even though the major cities were huge it seemed like everyone knew everyone. the stores would close @ around 5 and families would go home to (i know this is a weird concept) but they would have dinner together. and actually talk!
we place so much emphasis on gathering material possessions that we forget for whom we are gathering these "things" for. we have worried so much about the stuff we need and not who we need it for. i think we should all take a break from watching our stocks rise or fall and go watch our children rise and fall on the trampoline. we need to stop kissing our boss's butt and start just kissing our wives. we need to stop worrying about what tomorrow might bring and truly live in what today may have for us.
drinking in australia seems almost to be a way of life. but it is not the alcohol that drives them to the local pubs, it is the people, the communication, the social circles, and the new faces they will inevitably meet. i wish we had that kind of community built, but aim seems to be a great way to catch up with old friends and internet dating service's (such as myspace) seemes to taken the place of actually looking suitable and developing people skills.
im rambling. i think its 4am by now. i wonder if people remember why they are going to work in the morning. they say they do it for their loved ones. but i think over time they do it for the love of money instead of money for those they love.
i just wish money was not THE main religion in this country.