the (un)easiest acquisition.
praise is an easy acquisition, anyone that considers you a friend or you consider them a friend would instantaneously extend a kind word upon request. compliments seem to waterfall from most parents (hopefully) at random occasions and most of the time you don’t even have to ask for their approval, they simply profess it without a proposition.
the challenge in life is not to acquire praise but seeking criticism; Wilma askinas said “A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view.” other people already know the dark/negative sides of us even when we ourselves cannot see it. it takes a real man or women to ask our true friends “what are some areas of my life you see i need to work on? what are some of my character flaws and how do you think i can improve them?”
by knowing the answers to these questions and NOT TAKING OFFENCE TO THE ANSWERS YOU RECIEVE, digesting them, and working on those areas in our life to improve ourselves we are not only working on/out our shortcomings but improving ourselves and the lives of the people around us.
'honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger'. Franklin Jones
mr. jones was saying that criticism is going to be hard to take from anyone; and it will be. most friends are going to be VERY hesitant about giving you the truth until they see why you want it and trust you that you are not going to be defensive and begin to point out their flaws. unwanted criticism about personalities and character is the poison in the vein of a healthy friendship. never point out someone’s flaws just because you assume they want to change as well. if you do ask your friends the heart wrenching questions above you will see that one has to arrive in a particular mental state, prepared for the number of discouraging answers one might receive, before you even initially ask. let them see the improvement in your life by applying the solutions to their answers and they will want to ask you the same questions down the road.
why not improve? why not question our family and friends with these questions? why live in a constant state of denial the rest of our lives? realize that the only person you are deceiving is yourself, everyone around you knows your shortcomings! what holds us back is not a lack of time, deep friendship, or honesty… it is merely PRIDE. it is the deception of self-righteousness that is the ugliest cause of the constant lack of improvement in our character and lives.
Kill Pride. Improve.
-esteban
the challenge in life is not to acquire praise but seeking criticism; Wilma askinas said “A friend is someone who sees through you and still enjoys the view.” other people already know the dark/negative sides of us even when we ourselves cannot see it. it takes a real man or women to ask our true friends “what are some areas of my life you see i need to work on? what are some of my character flaws and how do you think i can improve them?”
by knowing the answers to these questions and NOT TAKING OFFENCE TO THE ANSWERS YOU RECIEVE, digesting them, and working on those areas in our life to improve ourselves we are not only working on/out our shortcomings but improving ourselves and the lives of the people around us.
'honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger'. Franklin Jones
mr. jones was saying that criticism is going to be hard to take from anyone; and it will be. most friends are going to be VERY hesitant about giving you the truth until they see why you want it and trust you that you are not going to be defensive and begin to point out their flaws. unwanted criticism about personalities and character is the poison in the vein of a healthy friendship. never point out someone’s flaws just because you assume they want to change as well. if you do ask your friends the heart wrenching questions above you will see that one has to arrive in a particular mental state, prepared for the number of discouraging answers one might receive, before you even initially ask. let them see the improvement in your life by applying the solutions to their answers and they will want to ask you the same questions down the road.
why not improve? why not question our family and friends with these questions? why live in a constant state of denial the rest of our lives? realize that the only person you are deceiving is yourself, everyone around you knows your shortcomings! what holds us back is not a lack of time, deep friendship, or honesty… it is merely PRIDE. it is the deception of self-righteousness that is the ugliest cause of the constant lack of improvement in our character and lives.
Kill Pride. Improve.
-esteban
Comments
Taking criticism and ridding oneself of pride is hard, but indeed helpful in improving one's character.
"No one ever choked to death swallowing his pride".
...such a fascinating concept...
Still i absolutely love the concept that true friendship is not simply praising, but also construcively critisicing...
i agree with you, truly seeking the truth from others and being prepared for some potential criticisms is a brave step toward improving yourself as a human being, as hard as it may be along the way. well said, thanks for bringing this topic up, it gave me a change to vent, and its refreshing to know that others think about observations like these.
-a.s.
"No one ever choked to death swallowing his pride".
I try to remind myself that perfection is not absolute. Humility is also not a weakness or character flaw.
Chris, I liked what you wrote. I think the need to feel superior is a symptom of insecurity. I also think you are right on target with the "all in the delivery" statement.
I think even when someone asks for constructive criticism it is an art to make it really constructive.
There are a couple books that I have read that have helped me tremendously.
“Messages” by Patrick Fanning
&
“People Skills” by Robert Bolton
Stephen, it seems that you are becoming a better listener. In a profession that hurls adulation and praise at you constantly, you clearly understand the challenge.
Thanks and Best of luck!
thank you, stephen! such a timely word, indeed.
I agree that unsolicited critique can be poison in a relationship, but I think that when one is on the receiving end of such brutality, one ought still to seriously consider the content of the critique, and forgive the unfortunate critic.
I can't recall the reference at the moment, but I believe there's a verse in the Bible which explicitly links all sin to pride, and when one (well. When I) thinks about it for awhile, it makes sense.
so i agreed with you so much and i believe everyone should realize your point so i wrote a blog about it and quoted you...hope u didn't mind.
http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog&pop=1&indicate=1
it'd be great if you can check out my
previous blog to and tell me what you think.
-hubris hannah
but the longer i thought about it i started to wonder about one thing you said. i realize that this wasn't the overall theme of the post, or even anywhere near it, but i just wanted to throw this out there on the topic of giving a friend honest criticism without being asked for it. i think that there are certain circumstances in which that is not only okay, but also necessary. what about when a certain character flaw is hurting the individual and those around him/her?
for example. recently i have been noticing more and more the extreme flirtatious personality of one of my very close friends. it has gotten to the point where she has not only greatly hurt the feelings of a very nice, quiet guy who thought that she liked him, but has even started flirting with other's boyfriends.
now should her we just stand by and watch her hurt those around her, or should we show her what shes doing so that she can change it? i know it will hurt her, but which is better for her in the long run?
so all im saying is that sometimes there can be circumstances where giving a friend honest criticism is the best for the situation. not all situations, but some. if taken with an open mind, constructive criticism can be the best thing for a person.
thankfully, me and my best friend will tell each other anything about each other :)
and I also have a sister who complains about EVERYTHING. so she points out every little flaw. maybe I can start to see it as some sort of very irritating blessing
Lately I found myself thinking relentlessly about balance, I am a devout Christian, and I could not help but think that there had to be a better explanation for moderation than the Yen Yang theory. I was in the car for several hours listening to, (no lie), some of your music, and Relient K's when I came to the conclusion that there is one thing we must never put into moderation, that is Jesus Christ. We cannot Shrink God down into idles, hence the commandment, God is too big for any of that, and he has never asked to be made less or put into a perspective. When it was written, "There is a time for all things," it was not referring to the Father himself, God must want 100% of everything we do, otherwise, he would have told us, half hearted musicians, and half hearted lovers will always make us think that they are missing out. We are made to worship in everything we do, why be a half hearted worshiper? Email Tim Ramsey, (at his website) for more.