in death we find hate? or what we knew all along...

i have been presented with an opportunity in these last couple days to contemplate life, but more than that death, and its effects.
in the final moments of life, it breaks down what matters most.
IT IS IN LIFE AND DEATH but for a second can see life with the utmost clarity.
IN LIFE: when a child was born you feel what is important, or what mattered. everything else becomes simple details. IN DEATH everything is viewed in finality. everything suddenly means more. stories from the past become askewed as brave acomplishments. failures once held over the other persons head in comparisons are now forgotten. one suddenly is remembered as having more friends than foes, and idle chatter now is every last will and testament. in life, or when things are going rather well on may never really speak to God, or even acknowledge his existance. and for what reason, life is good, there is really no need to search what one doesnt have expect to find. it seems that they are not intrested in pursuing anything with the words religion or an afterlife attatched. but all of a sudden they confide that they are in a moment of desperation, due to a rather negative situation, "mad at God."
WHAT? did they retort that they were mad at God?, but anger at Him would presupose that they believed in the existance in God. to quickly obtain a faith in a previously non-existant entity seems to be popular in American culture even if its to believe in Him simply to hate him, or turn ones back on HIM. people would ask me where God was september 11th and i always wanted to ask them where he was in their lives before september 11th. to invent the invisible to spite seems oddly peculiar to me, almost oxymoronic. those who never call upon Him when life is in normality suddenly scream at Him for help or hatred when things go wrong. The prisoner who blasphemes Gods name when he prayers for a life sentence but then gets the death penalty. but was it God who commited the crime or was it the prisoner? the boyfriend who cries oh God why do you hate me when he finds out that his girlfriend is pregnant, but was it Gods choice to have sex with her or his? the mother who has never spoken to this ficticious "God of the weak minded" in her life, but now cries "i hate you" acknowledging what she knew all along, that there was a God but now she hates him. God never wanted car accidents, he never wanted tragedy, he never wanted hurting children in ethiopia to starve to death, he never wanted AIDS. we did it, we are the culprits, we all would have turned this world into what it has become. the question to ask now is not why but what, what can we learn from this situation, or circumstance. im mumbling now, just questioning.


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