I've felt the need to write something.
I've always looked at myself as the one least likely in the world to ever fall in
love, or much less be able to share the same feeling with that someone that I had
fell for. In a previous post someone said that god has timing for true love. Up
until a month ago I would have to say that True love was the biggest fraud of life.
Afraid of failure and rejection, I secluded myself from the people who wanted to
help me the most and from a world that wanted to make me just another mindless
drone. It wasn't until I opened my heart to some of the ideas of friends that I
truly began to live. I never believed in that dreaded four letter word fate and I
still don't fully believe in it. But I truly believe that I have true love, and that
it was partly through my decisions and through an act of fate. My next point is even
if you feel you have found some form of love that is genuine, its really hard to get
past the initial thoughts and questions about "is this really happening." Getting
piercing thoughts and cherishing every minute of everyday in the struggle of a
relationship in the beginning. My only question is why so many people would end up
hating the one they loved so passionately. When something that you thought was
permanent ends the natural human response is to reject what has happened. Too many
times people look only at the negative of a failed relationship, but even if you
failed at your attempt for true love. Never forget the good times, memories are
only what you make of them.....
or maybe Im just a fool in a trance with the first stages of true love, this is too
much contemplating for one night....I have run out of things to say."
loves past is a conversation that feels like a twisting knife in my back when i talk about it, but for you i will enduldge. i should have been married by now, she was perfect *or so i thought. we met in paris france and after the most amazing night of my life (including but not limited to wine, strawberries, dancing on top of a building overlooking downtown paris, etc.) i was sure i was intoxicated with her. our relationship lasted for over a year and a half, most of it was the best times i have ever experienced in a relationship. we were naive which made love all the more a more applicable companion. her company was motivating and her intellect has yet to be matched in a long term relationship.
but now its over. time got the best of us and we ended on a bridge overlooking a highway going opposite directions. fitting. it was march 12, 2000 and ill never forget every word, every breath, every movement that took place... its as if time was in slow motion the entire evening.
bitterness and resentment were my new companions and i spent months recoiling from society. i was the summation of what you mentioned above on the aftermath of love.
but now. its been years and i still look for remnants of her in other girls. she has changed and i have changed. it would never be even if the stars aligned one last night. but i will never despise the time we spent together and i will never forget what it felt like to be in her arms on the eeifel tower in spring.